Do the right thing;

Everybody does mistake everyday. 
If you have noticed a mistake done by a specific person, DON'T be rude nor act like a superior. Instead, point it out and tell the person in a nice and polite way.
Before any of us can correct anybody, always give RESPECT.
You may belong from a different healthcare field but ALWAYS give respect and communicate properly. 
Give chances, give time to reflect and give time to improvise.

Because I believe every mistake made is always a lesson to make ourselves better each day. :)


And,

"Be the role model, and do the right thing!"


Cheers.

Keep going, you are not there yet.

Looking at my goddamn results and I want to look at them every day until I graduate.
I want to look at them until they become my daily motivation to work even harder than before. Although you have personally achieved your target, that target dear self is only part of your main goal. Two more donkey years to go, make sure you utilize the time well to excel, at the same time have the best time of your life :)

Keep going, keep pushing yourself, keep doing your best! 
Received congratulatory wishes here and there from dear ones. I am undoubtedly grateful. Thank you so much, my dear support system!

Indeed the thought,

"Aim high, achieve higher!" :)

Happy Thursday, everyone!



P/S : I might look cool by typing the few paragraphs above, but actually..Iamsodyinglyhappyinsidefeelslikerewardingmyselfalldayallnight! Afterall, this deserves some small celebration, isn't it? :) 
PP/S : Okay, keep cool pk. Work harder and you'll deserve better celebration after that :))


xx

Fear?

To conquer fear of failing in life,

Firstly : Be brave and bold enough to look and admit your embarrassment/mistakes. When you know where and why you're wrong, you'll start to understand and accept your flaws.

Secondly : Never be ashamed of your mistakes. When you have accepted your imperfections, that's when you will want to try again, and start anew.

Thirdly : Always be ready to make new mistakes. When you're at this point, you're always set for new challenges and new opportunities ahead, ready to commit more mistakes in life.

The more mistakes you make, the more experiences you will get, the better person you are.
Most importantly, don't give in or give up too easily along the process. Enjoy every moment and stay strong until the end.

Lastly : Conquer fear instead of letting it to swallow you up! You gotta man up and face it. If not how would you taste success, satisfaction and a better you?

Feeling Empty..

out of a sudden, out of no where. And I don't know why.
Whatsapp is being silent. Starting to ignore 'expect nothing in return' again. Disapproval, discouragement. 'Cuci tahi' imagination. Future hectic life. Opportunities. Go against the rules. Always ask. Be initiative and brave.
Maybe too much things being stucked in my head.

This morning, I met up with a super senior of mine, who was an ex-Convent, who had just graduated from IMU, studied the same course as I'm gonna study. Basically she passed me seven useful text/reference books to me, two sold-whereas five for free. All of 'em are pretty thick, which kind of made me swallow my saliva for a few times like.... holy, how am I gonna consume all these??


"These two (thickest) books are great for reference and assignments. You don't swallow them all."


Oh, phew!
Many many years ago, I believed that reading everything in the reference book could help me to pass the exam with flying colours, because not only I get to study things that normal textbook already had but I also get to study extra facts that can help me to answer better in exam okay what kind of mentality was that, sound so kiasu, LOL anyway that was last time...


"Don't pressure yourself. Personally, I'm not those kind of people who memorised everything, reading those facts like a mantra.. oh no"


True. Even if you have all the theories and knowledge in your finger tips yet you couldn't practise it in real life, it's still a waste of time memorising every single shit. I'll try my very best to not be a pressure cooker but to enjoy every single thing I am gonna learn. Time management plays an important role here.

"C.I (Clinical instructor) is very very important. You must get a good one in order to learn better. Ms. C and Ms. T are good. Whereas Ms M.J. is..... (yawns) hahaha 

People have typical mindset that having this job means 'cuci tahi' and everything like that. Well it's true when they say that but being a n isn't just about doing that. Nope, not at all. There are a lot of other stuff that you will find yourself enjoy doing. 

Be polite and humble. Whenever you meet the staff, GREET them, introduce yourself. You won't know that they might be helping you in the future but never expect anything. Some of 'em may be a lil' bit arrogant seeing you as a degree student, asking you to back off and learn yourself..... back to the point.. -be polite and humble. :) Always ask (staff n, doctors, dieticians, pharmacist, whoever), no matter what don't wait. If your C.I (Clinical Instructor) is not gonna be there anytime soon, how long are you going to wait? I always (sneaky laughs) offer to lend a hand and at the same time, (sneakily try) learning the procedures from other staff.n (grabbing the opportunity) in order to get to know more. That's how you actually learn. So volunteer to help, to assist, to get extra knowledge, to LEARN for yourself. Grab as much opportunity as you can, especially during the days of clinical posting.. because once those precious time are gone they will never come back. Try to learn as much as possible! :)


Another thing to note is that don't take things too personally. You'll get lots of rants, scoldings, and negative feedbacks. Take the rants positively, LISTEN - never reply back, as in let the rants flow from your left ear to your right. After that, release yourself from whatever they say and don't let that affect you emotionally. How did you actually cope with that?, I asked. Well, I did not mix them together. Work and my life are two different things so I usually enjoy myself after each clinical posting/work!

The more mistakes you make, the more things you learn. Always remember that. So never ever afraid of making mistakes. Just go ahead and make as much mistakes as possible! *laughs jokingly*

Communicate. Initiative. Brave. These three things if you can grasp in hand, you'll be good. Communication is very important especially with the patients. Did you know that it's an enjoyment to be able to listen to the patients' stories and get to know more about something that you can't read elsewhere? Even if they rant to you, be a good listener. I think it shouldn't be a problem for you as you come from a Convent background *grins - if you have a good language that is. Haha that's one of the benefits- to create a good interaction with the patients will make you feel so much better while you're at work. While being initiative will help you a lot. Do bear in mind that no one will be there to OFFER you any free knowledge or help unless you ask (politely) for it. Anddddddddddd you must be brave. Be brave to volunteer, be brave to face any situations."


We actually sat at Starbucks and talked for 5 god damn HOURS (non-stop). She did the most talking (good to the hell god) I actually didn't realise it was already 3.47pm by the time we stopped our conversation. Oh shit, she muttered. Hahaha we kind of skipped our lunch without realisation :B Meh, guess we blended quite well as we came from the same high school, so we can chatter about a lot of common topics :D

Seriously, with all my honesty, THANK YOU, Christine. Thank you very very much for sharing your stories and experiences to me. From each and every word you have spoken, I understand you better and know what to expect in my future journey and get to know what kind of person you are. Outgoing person who doesn't believe in study blindly hard but smart and someone whom I should a lot from. :) I appreciate all your offer and help since the beginning I started to approach you. It is a form of empowerment, as you said.
We should encourage people to do better, not demotivate them - which something that I am very agree with. I'll take advices that you have given all in my mind and heart. Thank you, for the books and the guidance. I'll make my parents, my peers, my teachers, and you, my super senior - proud. :)

You said the journey has changed your life and I hope it will change mine too - soon enough!


These written messages are meant to be your reminder, self. Read back whenever you feel something below than zero.

As we move on in life..

we noticed a lot of things.


1) The another side of the society.
The brutal, unkind, no courtesy kind of society is what I'm talking about. I've came to a point of realisation that not many of the people you meet, will appreciate what you do/did for them. Maybe they do, but they forget .. easily. And the normal routines go on as usual. Not even a "thank you" after an asked favor is done. Worse is that you get a sour face/bad attitude/SMIRKS in return. *shakes head dissapointingly* Kids nowadays should be taught what manners mean, so that in the future they'll know how important that value is. Adding on, the serious shooting case that is happening, the harsh comments towards each other over some sensitive issues, and the attention seeking people doing something obnoxious in public nowadays.. make me speechless. Well, it's nothing surprising, nothing culture-shocking about the community we are having, it just makes my eyes open wider as someone who is (not really) a newbie in adulthood if you get what I mean.


2) 'Random Act Of Kindness'.
When we are readily to help people whom we know or might not know (strangers), always be prepared for the worse. As in, expect NOTHING in return. Expectations lead to dissapointment MOST.OF.THE.TIME, so do it truthfully from your heart I'd say. But actually, in the process of helping people, we gain happiness, enjoyment and sense of fulfillment that no money in the world can buy. That's even better, right?


3) Friends come and go.
You, me, everybody else will be meeting thousands, countless people in life. Yet as we grow, we realise who our real friends are, those who are trust-worthy, those whom we can count on, those who is/are always there to be our supporting system, and those who are having the same 'channel' (as in interest, the 'click' people usually say) with you. In the process of losing a friend who betrayed/hurt you in some way (maybe that friend of yours once meant a lot to you), in the meantime you'll be friending with a better person who perhaps will replace your 'lost' friend. Well I'm not saying this replaced friend is any better, in the future we wouldn't know what will happen, maybe this friend will do the same/maybe not.. it all depends. To sum it all up, it's pretty hard to find a loyal friend -like one in a million chances. 
(I'm glad that my friends aren't all like that.) 
Oh! On an important note, do NOT treat any of your friends as TRASH.. that's the reason why I see people lose friends so easily. Tsk that's pathetic.

4) Judgements.
This is just too much to talk about.
First off, our youngsters today are often influenced by so called 'JUDGEMENTS' by other people. That's what make them to pretend and act like who they are not. We all know that fame is gained by the number of 'likes', and to compete for that fame, teens are willing to do whatever they can just to gather as much 'likes' as possible to the extend where some of them couldn't stand it and finally commit.... suicide. Ahhh, that is just too much.
I've came across too much miserable people who died just because of JUDGEMENTS. Too much. *shakes head* 
I've learnt that we cannot let the comments to affect us that much. What's right is RIGHT, what's not is totally rationally NOT. Sure, comments come in positive and negative ones. We can take in the positive feedbacks as an inspiration to move forward, whereas the bad feedbacks as an experience/mistake to be better. One thing for sure is, never take harsh reply THAT seriously. In fact some things in life, we just cannot take it to personally deep into our brain, heart, liver.. okay whatever. Expressing yourself in the media world (like facebook and twitter) is good sometimes but ALWAYS know the limits. Angers could be typed out in words, but do not overdo it. Because I've learnt that feelings that we all are experiencing are just temporary. Think about that, it's true.

5) Attitude/Emotions.
As we move on in life.. we all have our own characters/personalities/attitudes/pros and cons. I've realised that people are not a good emotion controller. Not everybody could resist the upset feelings by not crying (especially for girls), nor be patient enough to control the self-anger/self hatred that grow within. It's the norm that most of the people release what they don't wish/want in their mind online. The traditional old diaries have been replaced with blogs, regular tweets or even facebook statuses. Level of privacy is deteriorating, however it's just the way they document their life in this modern, globalisation world. On the other hand, those good ol' human beings who are good in controlling their emotions prefer keeping it to themselves, let those emotions run in their head, process and settle everything in their head. Those, I'd categorize them as the magically good emotion controller. In my world, I'm fortunate enough to have met a few, although I'm not a bad emotion controller, I guess I'm not good enough and this is something that I should learn over and over again.

6) Self egoism vs Jealousy.
Self egoism : Guys always win.
Jealousy : Don't try hard to win this, guys. Girls ALWAYS have the title.


7) Changes.
Time ticks second by second. If you're listening to a song right now, that particular singer could have sung in a pretty graceful way and BAM! Your three minutes are gone -just like that. Maybe after the three minutes, it could turn your upset mood upside down to a happy one. Well.. okay what a bad example but you got what I mean right? Year by year we change.. Embrace the good changes that happened, maintain it or better, improvise! I actually don't get why people are afraid of changes. Probably because they are scared of not being themselves anymore... hey? if you're changing for your own good in terms of characters, without the thought of trying to be somebody else other than yourself, you're heading to the right direction. Don't doubt, and never surround yourself with people who will make you doubt, especially when it concerns about 'self-worth'.

Okay, I think I'm done with this.
These transparent terms I highlighted are something all of us should ponder once in a while.
I'm sure I'll never stop learning as I move on.


P/S : These written words are meant to be my reminders whenever I feel like reading it. :)

Have a lovely Friday, people!

xx

The month of love ;

So it's the 14th of February, the month of love, the month of celebration.
Hello all! (:

How are you guys been doing lately?

Speaking of my birthday 4 days ago, I'm happy to celebrate this special occasion together with family at home. It was very peaceful, which was exactly what I really wanted. Thank you god, once again for listening to my secret wish. I hope you'll realise my wishlists that I murmured to you before I blew the candles. Albeit whispered too quickly and maybe it was unclear, I hope that you'll hear what I said.

Yesterday, I met up with a close friend at Kajang's Metro Point. :) It was a brief catch up, sitting and talking about life and future. Being the sweety pie, she treated me a slice of cheese cake (crapIforgotthename). Thank you, Carmen. It's nice and hope we'll be able to meet more often in our near future! :) :)

Also, I'd like to take the opportunity to thank each and every one of you who sent me birthday wishes via facebook, twitter, instagram, and text messages. Thank you for the heartwarming phone calls, thank you for the angpows (parents), thank you for the clothes and a bag (sister), thank you for the gift (Wanying), thank you for the blogpost (Wan Ying), thank you for the sweet birthday song -instrumental version (dear you) , thank you for the handwritten thoughts, thank you for everything, loved ones. :) It wasn't as grand as what I had last year, but I am blessed. :)

CNY thus far is fine. Better than last year, I think. Relatives tend to come to my house more often to have dinner with us since my home only left me and my parents. At least, it's far lovelier than last year's. :)

Recently,

Facebook timeline has surprised me with many positive news, from friends well mostly my juniors.

Some married, some engaged, where else some have found themselves a human being of their opposite sex.

How incredible to see them feeling loved one by one. :)

But well, the concept of love isn't as easily understandable as one can thought. It can be a verb or a noun. It's not just merely about feelings and it's definitely different from another term called infatuation.
Make sure he/she is the one whom you can be with in the future, try to understand and get to know each other before hand, it's the best that you could find somebody who has similar personal interests, someone whom you can go along well without much complications, someone who loves you not just your face, your appearance but also your soul, beauty, flaws and your heart. :)

To those little girls/boys who are a lot younger than me, don't be too rush into love yet. Do not fall in love because your friends did. Fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely, yeah?
Make things clear, priortize and do not let this affect your relationship between family, your self esteem or perhaps your own personal education. A lot of HK, Taiwanese or Korean dramas are creating a lot of dreamers among the young generations (well I'm included as well, but that was years ago :P ) but you guys must know, some of those "grand romantic proposal/scenes" only happened in "dramas". If you expect those "dramas" to happen in real life, it's 101%ly rare. Unless you're bloody bloody rich. Hahaha so dream on, fellow dreamers!
On a brighter note, it's always nice to daydream the things that you wish to happen sometimes. It feels best when it really come true one day. :)

If you're asking me what I was doing during my Valentines, I'll say I read, I blogged, I had family time, I slept, I doodled, I instagram-ed, I uploaded photos, and I made a video.
What video you ask? That's for a mystery someone to find out. :)

After 20 years living on this Earth, I believe in fate and destiny. Do you?

Mixed hi ;

Hi?

I'm alive. So much alive. Guess what it's the twenty first of January two thousand and thirteen. January's gonna end in another 10 more days and I'm getting my results tomorrow. Heh. That's my whole point, isn't it?

Well, well life. What have I been doing?
Not much actually. Just chores.sleep.morningjog.universityresearch.photoupload.read.clean.meetupwithhighschoolfriends.happinessprojects.relaxinglife.
Yeah, as you can see, nothing big there just very minimal things that people do.
FYI, I've been sort of like grounded to be at home, which explains the reason I couldn't hangout much with friends, and it's a way of saving money, y'know.
Oh wait, I haven't tell you guys about my working days, experience and life! ComingsoonIpromise. ComingsoonIpromise. :D

By the way, I- the owner of this blog, salute those who actually scrolled, and read every single words that I typed here about my bittersweet happenings in 2012. I from the bottom of my heart thank YOU. :)
Speaking of blogging, it's the second post of the new year -2013. Pardon my lack of enthusiasm in the previous post, I have a lot to stories in mind to blog it out here but I.. never actually find a proper time, sitting like how I'm doing right now, blogging my hearts out about my rants and most of it is my thoughts. Partly because, I spent most time doing research instead of carrying out too much relaxing activities. Ughh the pressure. Only the closed ones will understand why I mentioned pressure.

Every year, I'll create a resolution list for self to accomplish, but looking back at what I did in 2012.. maybe I failed to be/do what I planned but in another way, I might have become a better person in another perspective that I did not intentionally plan. That's good, isn't it? :)

As we are growing up, (MENTALLY), I think resolutions don't always have to be early of the year, it could be the starting of the week, early of the month, or perhaps early of the day - as early as you wake up from sleep. :) Resolutions of the year could mean, things that you wish to accomplish in long term, hopefully you'll see yourself improve or achieve things that you want to do but I'd say, if you have the time to do it right now, do it. Don't waste too much time wasting too much opportunities out there, maybe you can achieve something bigger or perhaps gain more experience in life that you - yourself don't expect or imagine!
That's what I learnt and it's crucial, y'know. Every second counts now! Even reading this piece of article. :P

I guess this applies/is the same as appreciating people around you. Life is short, yes it's true. We don't know what might happened to us in the next few seconds. War, riots, disasters, diseases, instant death out of no reasons.. - I learnt to be more appreciative as a person, a more loving girl who tends to spread love to people, in the form of words or actions. I don't know how to describe, it's like..that immediate happiness you get to whenever you -cheer people up -make their day better -make them smile. It's just feels nice to be a person who is able to change one person, but well what more to inspire them. And.. I believe in karma. What goes around definitely comes around. How people treat me is how I treat back to them. 

My principle always goes like this ;
1) If you're being good/kind to me, I'll be extra/even more kind to you. More than you can imagine.
2) If you're being bad to me, I'll not do the same. I believe one day, karma will help me do the rest. :)

So be nice to every people you meet.
As the saying goes, "Treat people how you want people to treat you back."

Ahhh wait. How come I'm talking about this? *pat self
Hahahaha.
I don't wish to post any self-resolutions here, as in those I-wish-I-can-be-more-this-and-that-etc-kind-of-list, I think it should be better if I keep that to myself. :)
What I personally wish to accomplish by this year is to master some skills. :P Well here's what

• Driving.
  Damn. This. has been. one. of. my. heh.notgoingtorevealhere. since the last day I drove. Oh well.
  
• Cooking and baking.
  THIS. I've left my passion in cooking since last year's college break? Hahaha. Gonna catch up and find back the passion one day and MASTER it. :P
  
• Make up.
  THIS. Hehehe. Well it's part of life that a girl should know, isn't it? I shalln't further eleborate about this. Kbai.
  
• Dancing/Physical exercise?
  This is crazy, I mean. Dance, PK? Hell you must be crazy. But this is part of my wish-to-do this year if I mean IF I get to go for any dancing class in university later? Idk, it's just part of my plans and... hehehe. :D
  
• Eye contact.
  HA THIS. When I get supersuperSUPER shy, I'll lose my eye contact with someone. I'll look at somewhere else instead to hide my pinkrosycheeks or perhaps any embarassment/mistakes that I made. Eeek. (")(") But well, I'll need to learn, to have a thicker skin, act cool and blehh better eye-contact la what else. (")(")
  
• Photography.
  A definite category that I must mention. I improved so much since last year and I'm going to make myself even better in this field. :)
  
• Housework/chores.
  Ridiculous, I know. C'mon, what the hell skills you need in this? Well, what I meant is to carry out the chores as fast as I can in a short time. And being called as professional in house chores is such a pleasure y'know. HAHAHAHA. Such pk.
  
• Read.
  Recently, I've gained back my long lost reading habit and HELL YEAH. I like it! (uh-huh-uh-huh) :D Gonna read as much as possible, and gonna train my speed reading. Made some goals for myself actually. 10 books in a year. Possible? More than possible right? I think I should increase the number of books I should read.. .. .... hmmmmm. *figures
  
• Money management.
  Oh this. I've been spent too much back at college. :( So I must control my expenditure this time, spend very very very wisely. Before I purchase any worthy items, I better check the price tag first, think a thousand million times before I hand my cash to the cashier. Hukhukhuk. :'( I wish I am rich. *ungrateful cries*
  
• Volunteer.
  It is always a pleasure, to contribute to the society, to be able to help people around you. Yes, I wish and I hope I can volunteer more this year. :)

Of course, above all this, I wish I can be a better person -more disciplined, more hardworking, more systematic, more wise and blablabla. Hahaha, like I said, it's better for my ownself to know where my limits are and if possible, I want to go beyond that. :)

It's time for dinner.
I shall... urm go?


BYE PEEPS I LOVE Y'ALL MWAHHHH. *throws kisses

Errr Happy belated 2013?

You gotta be good good good! :)

Five more months to go ;

The arrival of the old life where tutorials are mountaining up with new syllabus somehow terrifies me.
The never-ending tasks and assignments are coming back one by one.


Tough life is about to begin again.
The thought of it makes me want to laze, but I can't. I seriously can't this time because it's now or never.


Work hard for yourself, PK. WORK HARD FOR YOURSELF! Most importantly, divide time and have a well-planned-schedule.
"There's no more time for you to waste.", said Ms. G.


Afraid. Gasp. Gulp. Sweats. Jittery!
All sorts of emotions, mixed up, producing the utmost complicated feeling in the world.


Five months seems to be long, but in reality, five months will be a blink of an eye.
Living life to the fullest, here are some of my I-MUST-to-do-list ;



I MUST priortize and control. I MUST speed up. I MUST ask. I MUST dare to be different. I MUST have a thicker-skinned face for my mistakes. I MUST have goals. I MUST be able to say no. I MUST be optimistic. I MUST be determined. I MUST make use of my time. I MUST know what I'm doing. I MUST forgive. I MUST be nice to others. I MUST applied what I have studied. I MUST try. I MUST improve. I MUST enjoy life.

To say is easy as ABC, to act is where one is really tested whether one has the ability to do what that have said.


Prove me right, self. JUST DO IT!
....


Approximately, I have another 165 days to wear TAR College's student ID card.
Crap, who do I even count down the days I'll still be at college? :3

Don’t be afraid to fail.

 Walk boldly in this time where mistakes are okay.  

In fact, mistakes are encouraged.  

College is such a perfect time to trial and error in finding what you love to do, and what you may think you won’t like to do.  

Try doing something you would otherwise be too afraid to try.

  Legal, that is.  Failing is a part of success, so why not try and fail when you have the parachute of college to break your fall, instead of the real world when it’s harder to go after dreams and projects, because then it’s all on you for yourself.

-Tumblr

They said ,

Picture from ;

Of all the searched photos, I found this, which truly describes my current, up-to-date mood. It feels sucks, actually.

Not because of exam, (well it does partly related to that) but it's rather about.. a question.

A question, which was being issued by a friend of mine to a lecturer,

Q : Will you choose talents? or.. hardwork?

A : HARDWORK.
(with no hesitation in his voice.)

Really?

Is that just all?

But why I don't seem to be seeing any of this happening in my life? 

Am I being too impatient?

Probably.

Yes, I'm answering this to myself, just to do some self-reminder, before I go from upset to.. depressed.

Picture from ;

Perhaps, it's not enough. Perhaps, I have been too unwilling to wait. Or perhaps, my speed isn't there to fight with time, yet.

You know, the very important test, this time which I shall name it as trials, for short, is extremely important to me all of us, where THIS trials can determine where we actually stand and how far are we from the grades.

To stand beside A's?

It's hard. Really really hard.

Apart of being worried, I've lost some sense of believe and faith a few hours ago. All of my doubts came rushing and messed me up. How in the world can I study not for exam but for myself?

I've gone from normal to a steady stress level to a complete berserk mode during these last-minute-studies.

Being the good child, I've set a discipline plan for self by not tweeting nor facebooking, to avoid these addictive-distractions and also to stay away from the cyberworld unless I really really need it for urgent cases like assignments. :(

BUT THIS does not indicates that I hold my book where-when-ever I go, memorising facts, studying like a geek. No way,

I do sing. I sleep. I eat. I play. I even daydream for most of the time. Because.. I am a human being too!

Now, who has the dare to say that I go for 24/7 study when I do not appear online? Screw you if that thought has ever came across your mind. :(

I could have listed the negative impacts of exams on human beings, physically, mentally as well as emotionally aspects here, one by one but trust me, it is pointless.

Picture from ;

Replace the phrases "do you keep crying" to "are you being sad".

Regret? 

I can't. It has been a mistake that can't be undone, once again. Soon, all these will be compiled into somewhat called helpful lessons for me to become better later on.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I hate being the sooooo unlike-self, who is soooooooooooo emotional to the life I'm having right now.

As Mr. L's current status was about,

"On call 47 days for AS."

Yes, now I'm very aware of that, sir. Thank you for the reminder, and thank you for not stopping to give me that kind of hate-able stares which I really really feel upset about whenever I see you.

.......

As time passes by slowly, I've learnt that things are not meant to be taken too seriously. Be satisfied if you have done your best in trying every single thing in life, and that does not exclude the questions in exam no matter how long it takes. As long as there is some effort being poured, you know that you're on the finishing road, but not reaching your destination just yet.

The being-open-minded mindset within me has evolved slowly from a point of view, to another. It doesn't have to be tolerant only to opinions, it also can be applicable in receiving flaws? or simply the mistakes that human beings made in life.

Just two hours ago, I've done watching a movie called,

which I would rate it 3.0/5.0. 

All I can comment is it is just another average, romance movie. A little bit boring but the sense of humour got me til the end.

What caught my attention was sayings like .. .. .... 

1) I have loved her even when I've hated her. 

Only married couples will understand that one.

2) But I can promise you this : 

I will never stop trying.

At least,

I'm feeling so so so much better after all these words being all typed here. Is self-motivating-case like this scaring you? Tell me bout it. (I hope it's not).

That's pretty much the way I release my moodless feeling, not to any person via phone/text/MMS/videocalls/skype/facebook but to a non-living site of mine, here.

Truly sorry if you've spent your precious time and energy reading all these crappy thoughts.

Meanwhile, I'll be having Chemistry Paper 1 tomorrow afternoon and Physic Paper 1 the day after. Am not exactly sure whether I'll ace them or screw them. But most probably it will be the second choice if luck is not on my side.

Just.. .. .. wish me luck?

Progressing but slowly ;

Picture from ;

So my study progress can be defined as not very good, nor very bad.
I'm accelerating, though slowly unlike anybody else.
I've been one of the most obedient child by not hanging around the cyberweb for a few days, which is something I should be proud of to a Internet-addict person like me. Heh.


Time is forever a good athlete, I, unfortunately is not.
But I can be a good competitor, by beating you, time with my non-giving-up-spirit.
Procrastination and laziness never leave me alone ever since I've came up with a new determination, last week?


They, I would refer as, at no time keep on the good job in attracting and tempting my soft-hearted soul. Say yes, SAY YES! I almost did.
However I came up with a no instead. :]


It's a good start, isn't it?


I want to continue being like this. Work constantly hard (like no one's business) for my future and most importantly, for my dear self. Though great intelligence does not belong to me, but I'd wish to prove that there's always this undescribable struggles or efforts behind every accomplishments in life.


Read more. Do more. Learn more. Give more.


Don't get affected by words. Work extremely hard but smart.
Compete with yourself, rather than comparing your results with the rest. Learn from people's mistakes, and seek for the experts if any question is raised.


Again and again,


NEVER AFRAID TO ASK.
(although it's stupid/embarassing.)


At the end, you get to learn something, isn't it?
:)


Self-control is important. Beat stress, beat stress! :D
So-so,


TIME/PROCRASTINATION,


Do not conclude the winner yet, who knows I might reach the ending point FIRST before any of you did. *smiles


Imma put myself to a stop here before the habit-of-talking-to-self is getting worse.


Hence, goodbye.

The 8teen self ;

Looking back, I was already living as a eighteen-year-old-young-adult for almost a year. I am, always looking forward for the arrival of every 10 February as it is the date which I was destined to be here at 8.43am sharp, ready to meet the world.

As each year passed by, I've been living a (quite) luxurious life, by wearing the best dress ( I believe in Kajang), living the most comfortable house in the whole neighbourhood and even owned a gameboy at the age of seven. Yes, I was very lucky unlike any other kids out there who might be suffering from malnutrition or worse still, gasping for air to survive.

Indeed, time speed like no one's business.

As I grow, I am always with-that-kind-of-very-aunty-look whenever I'm in front of the mirror. Nerd? Geek? Half-bald-or-huge-forehead? Old-fashioned? Rounded-spec-girl? Whatever you name it.

I was actually quite proud of myself that I looked like any of the italic terms being mentioned above. Gees. (I AM WEIRD!)
Because I never believe that I am in the "pretty" category when I look at my reflection for a thousand, even a million times. So I kinda.. accepted the fact until now. (you know?)

Self-confidence was extremely low at that time, that was why. Believing in myself in anything that I do was rather a no-no for me.

Yep. I suck, I know. That WAS me anyway.

Let's skip this sensitive issue, shall we?'

Soon, I learned. From all the difficulties that I had, the inspirational posts that I found at tumblr, the life of the others, the stories of a stranger that were exposed to public, the opinions of different kind of person, quote-able sayings and so much more~
All these countless lessons were adopted slowly into me, myself, my soul.

"Being appreciative and thankful for things that you have" is never easy if this is put into practice. However, I'm trying my very best to stay grateful as I am now, by ranting less, and appreciate more.

I'm somehow grateful that I am born not too smart nor not too dumb, so as I can experience the feeling of being standing between the high and low level of intelligence in life. Knowing myself that my brain doesn't work like the speed of lightning, I actually work extra hard most of the time. At times, the exhaustion is undescribable, yet that never stop me from keep fighting, with a never-ending-spirit.

I'm grateful that I am not born to be naturally perfect figure nor deformed so I get to know, the feeling of being discriminated/abandoned by the society or being able to differentiate people who be friended you due to your appearance or the true people who will remain by your side when the rest are against you.

I'm grateful that the personal problems (family wise) that I had before this (12 years ago) actually made me a wiser person, in thinking as well as personalities. My heart and mind are being trained through thicks and thins after all these tough years. Yes, I made it through strongly. Pails of tears were shed, pains were remained as scars. That makes me who I am, today.

All these life's obstacles created a better understanding me, who continuously learning and never want to stop learning.

I wish I can read more, listen more and understand people more. I wanna be matured, I wanna be a good advicer, other than being a good listener.

(back to the main topic)  

Being eighteen, 

was never easy with a lot of decision-making going on and on in the head. This is the year that I realised the importance of travelling. Discovering each culture intensely deep was never a hobby for me. But, photography made me fell in love with that. Interesting huh?

Being eighteen  

was all about freedom and growing up. You make your own decisions, you never rely to others for opinions, you must act and THINK FAST in order to get what you want. Being the very shy girl I was, I never stay an inch near to boys due to the fact that I was from a girl school previously. So it was all normal to feel awkward and all, but I learnt to be sociable by telling self, "Cmon, PK. Be you! You can overcome this. WHY YOU AFRAID AND YOU CAN FREAKING OVERCOME THIS.". After gazillion times of repeating this as a self-reminder, within a few minutes, I made (quite many) new friends, as easy as ABC. :P

Being eighteen 

was all about being disciplined, independent and systematic. A good time management is a key to every successful man in life. (True?).The stress level must be balanced equally with enough self-entertainment. That's the way of living, isn't it? Being independent requires a strong mind. If you're ready to venture the world by your own, I can say that you're just at the starting point of being "independent". In studying/working life, staying away from parents always is a challenge to a easy-to-get-homesick person who currently is kilometres away from hometown but definitely not me. Perhaps I was used to the independent life at home? It's not that I don't love my loved ones at home, it's just that it's time to really grow up, to live without the protective ones and fly.

Being 8teen 

was definitely one of the best year I've ever had in my life. Eventhough the birthday celebration that I had was all by myself, with a TV, a laptop and just- myself. And despite that my studies suckass like really SUCKASS, -,-
Oh, don't even come out with the word "how pathetic" please. I know myself well and and and. . . . . bahhh (I'm so lazy to explain)

Being 8teen, 

actually taught me to treasure and utilise time to the maximum with our loved ones. 

Being eighteen was all about trying new things in life. 

As quoted by my Aussie cousin named Justine,

"Why should we wait to do/approach things that we love? Time wait for no one! Afterall, we are only young once!"

Her words always appeared in my mind no matter where I go. She actually inspired me to do things differently, never afraid to ask, never afraid to make mistakes, and NEVER AFRAID TO BE DIFFERENT!

That was why, I've changed much (appearance) from a totally 300% nerd, to a better-looking person who's STILL A NERD. :P I wanna try to improve myself in all senses - fashion, hairstyle, points of views, demands, personalities, too much to be listed here.
But the most important is, don't act, don't pretend and don't imitate. Just be yourself. Now, that's what that attracts people to get to know you, isn't it?
..

To sum my 8teen-year-old-life : 

It was AWESOME. :]

Now it has come to a point of life that,

I'm finally reaching the last teen-age of my life.

I remember the last time my sister got herself into when she was nineteen was a relationship with a 7-years-age-gap-guy. It was a little bit shocking to get a boyfriend at such a YOUNG AGE (at that time) but what is even suprising is, they have not get married yet after dating for almost 10 years now? :B

Worry not, I'll definitely not following her footsteps. I have a pretty good life here. Why should I worry? :)

A fact that amazed me this year is that this year, my Chinese birthday and Western birthday are being clashed together in one date, whether it is a total coincidence or not, I don't know.

Just just just just.. feel that it's such a big big day to have both birthday together in one day. :)

I wonder how does it tastes like. :/

Here's a letter to myself, (just for myself)

Dear self,

Be at your best to enjoy life as long as you are still breathing. Make it the best college life ever by making more new friends, know them and create beautiful memories with them! Be humble and never take things for granted. Take compliments as well as critics to improve yourself. Be you, the you who is just you, no one else. Know what you want to achieve in life by discovering the pathway youself. Give more, -your happiness, your mercy, your smiles to those who needed. Cheer yourself up when you're down. Do NOT depend, depend only by yourself when YOU are the one who can help yourself in any situation. Seek for help from the masters if you're in a deep trouble. Never feel/look down at yourself and to others. Understand a situation deep enough before you start to judge. Never let stressdom to conquer your world so easily. Sing! if you feel tensed up, Sing! if you feel happy, Sing! if you are upset. Seek for photography or books to waste your time, not the social networking- time consuming websites. Allow the optimism to rule you, to control you. Say no to pessimism by always reject negative thinkings. Never think too much and ALWAYS expect the unexpected. You are beautiful in your own way, so never, never gets jealous at the slightest things. Be appreciative, instead. Last but not least, stay inspired and inspire others.

Happy birthday, self.

Love,

Me.

  

Don't stop believing ;

Picture from

Sometimes, I wish I am that strong, that optimistic. I've been really negative ever since January. Nothing runs smoothly as planned.

 

Results were horrible. Not below 50 but still horrible. A lecturer of mine was obviously dissapointed, so was I. How I wish I am a genius for once. How I really wish that my brain can operate as fast as lightning.. 

 

 

How I wish.. .. .. .. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

which is impossible,  I know.

Guess it's okay,  so I shall just 

Picture from

 

AS-exam is in another 6 more months. A-2 syllabus is coming soon, which is going to start on January 2012.

The upcoming holidays are going to spend with families, outings and other planned activities. All the time have been occupied and when can I re-study, you tell me :(

 

I need to work really really hard to score. I need to read a lot of books. I need to do a lot of research and exercise. All in all,  I NEED TO BE HARDWORKING. Nuff' said.

 

Picture from ;

That (sentence in the photo) is so true. That's when comparison starts to spread around.. between the genius and the less intelligent people. It hurts when people started to give you that smirk, puzzled face. It even hurts when lecturers started to mention your name and  teased you in the most sarcastic way, just to annoy you eventhough their real intention was just a silly joke.

STILL, it hurts.

I'm so tired. So tired of writing all about the exams in this diary of mine. I am tired to see so many stressful post here, I'm tired, just tired of you know.. everything.

Picture from ;

Either way, that's life. Nothing is avoidable and it's a fact that each of us (me) has to face. Things come and go, we should see things in an unexpected way, a different angle of life. Letting go isn't an option, it's a choice. If letting go makes you happy, why not? Somehow in some way, there's always chances. Mistakes are meant to be made, failure is definitely essential. If there's no failure, where comes the success?

Picture from ;

There is no point, regretting over what you did, whether it's done badly or greatly. What has done cannot be undone. Accept the outcomes with a positive mind and move on. Recorrect the flaws if there's any. Improve youself from the flaws rather than blaming the imperfections.

To be a better human being, I choose to fail.

Stand up straight, PK. Life's still pretty,

as always :)