Motivation, where art thou?

Hellow fellow readers!
Semester 6 nursing student reporting here, feeling demotivated since Saturday (yesterday) and tomorrow (Monday) is gonna arrive. Soon. :O


Nuuuuuuuu, as the blog title speaks it all, motivation seems like it is finding its way to hide at a deepest hole which I can't find and here I am, blogging how I feel right now #yikes

Anyhoo, I am on SNAPCHAT WOOHOOOOOOO NOT. HAHAHAHA butbutbut no lens filters for dear iPad mini though. #sobs
I started my first few posts today with a black background featuring some #nowplaying songs. (inspired by Ah hui's) Hahaha if lens filters exist, I'd have played with it but meh it's not available.... it's alright then. :(
I'll switch to "spam my followers with #nowplaying 10s" playlist. (I bet they're gonna be annoyed, like SO annoyed. LOL)

Here's a thing about snapchat. It is fun, yet it could be very pointless at the same time especially when we are bored. I hope it won't turn out to be a distraction to me because the reason I created snapchat isn't to distract myself, obviously.

By the way, (switching to uni life updates) my research year has begun (hooooraaaaaayyyy NOT). I've chosen a topic, now doing chapter 1, ONLY chapter 1 and I am half dying, like literally #deadfish

The hassles and the trouble of finding and reading many many many articles. Ugh, I salute those who really has passion in research (like my research supervisor!) Whenever I wanted to sigh (so much) that I failed to do this (for instances finding articles) and that, somehow she will brighten up my day with sparkling ideas, beautiful smile and her sparkling enthusiasm. Yeah, basically, she's always so sparkling and it is truly inspiring! (I wish I have her 'sparkling' character :)) )


Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaih-wait no. Stop sighing.
Don't let 'research' alone to defeat you so easily, PK. You are stronger and better than you think. Just because research is more 'powerful' and more 'knowledgeable' than you doesn't mean you're gonna give up and sigh all the way, ya?


"Step by step. Know your own pace and do your best in every step you take!"💪💪💪


Yep, that's what I'm gonna tell myself whenever I feel demotivated.

Step
by
step.

#youcandoitpk #faith

Don't stop ;

Oh hey blog! Feel like blogging today so here I am :))

Semester break is coming to an end! One more Sunday and sem 5 is starting the day after. How time has passed so quickly! My holidays was alright, spent mostly with family although I secretly wish that I can spend equal time with my college and high school friends too :)

Recently, I have gotten feedbacks, a lot of them. Good, bad, etc. Some even made me rather confused, to be honest.

However I have read a very wise quote from someone whom I respect,

"Your examination results is not the main determinant of your success and future endeavors. Yet your attitude & behaviours in life is the key of your success in the future."

It's so true, isn't it?
I have planted a goal before I came to uni. A not so ambitious but achieveable goal.
But when I faced failure (in semester two) and somehow develop some love in what I am studying now, I asked myself, "Why do you always want to set an achieveable goal?"

I question further, "Why don't aim high then achieve higher?"
That caused me to change what I have set in the first place.
When I read the quote again, I agree so so much, but then when I think again, the (quite) possible/impossible aim that I have newly set is not really very much about the results, it's because I want to prove to myself that hard work, determination, never give up spirit (and of course a good set of attitudes) does bring many good outcomes if I start early and it certainly will benefit my coming future. Besides, my A-level achievement was a total disappointment, I am certain that I do not want to let the history to repeat again.

So I told myself with a determined heart, "At least for once, make yourself proud. Along the journey, enjoy every moment to the fullest."


Yet, thank you again for the encouragement. I am truly, very grateful!

:)


xx

A letter to

dear self,

Soon enough, you're going to lead the team. A team of 7 human beings, including yourself that is.
You have known yourself, your flaws for 22 years, I am sure. What more that you had been in the similar position years before. Let's count (moment of silence). 5 years back?
Yes. Things back then were different. Thoughts was not purely matured yet, management and leadership skills was not fully molded yet. Though, you had experience, that does not mean you are better and know better. That does not mean you can be egoistic and be extremely proud of yourself. Nope.
Rather, take this as a whole new experience again, to shape yourself and make yourself a better person. Take it truthfully to your heart.

Ask, if helpless. Ask, if unsure.
Do not be defeated by harsh, negative comments. Shake away and smile. When you face trouble, always share the burden, not handling and hugging the problem by your own.You are also a human being who is equally imperfect as the others. When things don't go according to your wish, take a chill pill. Always learn to be patient during tough times. Learn to take a deep breath and think, rather than throw tantrum. Learn to sit down and gather all your thoughts, then conclude 'em into firm actions. Do not disregard others' opinions. Even if you can't make a decision out of so many suggestions and ideas, seek for the wise and have a clear conclusion for yourself. Also, do not invite arguments for unnecessary, ridiculous reasons. Leave the frown in your forehead, ditch negative emotions and start searching for solutions, rather than sit and rant. You can always have your moment of frustration, but please, do not allow this to eat too much of your time.

Speaking of time, you must constantly remind yourself about time management. Manage and plan well, self. You might be involved with multimillion activities, but do not take your academic too lightly. Besides having fun, always come back to your core goals. 

Soon, you'll be a role model, not only among your colleagues but also to people out there in the society. Set a good example and continue being that good example. If you want to be great, be great that lasts permanently.

Remember, we are all life learners.

Inhale positivity, fill yourself with confidence, learn as much as you can throughout the experience and always stay humble. :)

xx

Keep going, you are not there yet.

Looking at my goddamn results and I want to look at them every day until I graduate.
I want to look at them until they become my daily motivation to work even harder than before. Although you have personally achieved your target, that target dear self is only part of your main goal. Two more donkey years to go, make sure you utilize the time well to excel, at the same time have the best time of your life :)

Keep going, keep pushing yourself, keep doing your best! 
Received congratulatory wishes here and there from dear ones. I am undoubtedly grateful. Thank you so much, my dear support system!

Indeed the thought,

"Aim high, achieve higher!" :)

Happy Thursday, everyone!



P/S : I might look cool by typing the few paragraphs above, but actually..Iamsodyinglyhappyinsidefeelslikerewardingmyselfalldayallnight! Afterall, this deserves some small celebration, isn't it? :) 
PP/S : Okay, keep cool pk. Work harder and you'll deserve better celebration after that :))


xx

Second 10km ;

Nottingham Charity Run 2015 - checked!

It's been so long (months!) since I last joined a marathon and here I go again, another 10km at Nottingham University. I was expecting a 21km run but meh there isn't any.. so yeah.

I don't know it was due to the weather or the route itself, I felt very demotivated to run (I did feel the same during my Standard Chartered run but the feeling doubled this time). There wasn't any motivational board says something like, "YOU HAVE 2KM MORE, YOU CAN DO ITTTTT" or anything that's similar in every 1km or at least 2km.. (I secretly wish there is though) but the motivation is just... not there.


All I see was just a plain (endless) road with lots of construction sites, trees on my left and right, and a blurry, hazy weather. So, I did a lot of walking, rather than 'running'/'continuous jogging' this time. As I had already exceeded my personal targeted time, I was like..

"Ugh, I'm not gonna make it."

Besides, I saw many people who were ahead of me, I guess I was one of the hundred people that were still left behind, running at our own pace. (The #sobs moment when that angmoh surpassed me and was wayyyyyy more consistent than I am)


.............................................
When I was at the last checkpoint (2.5km away from the ending point), I told myself,
 

"It's okay, self. Let's walk."

70% of walking, 30% of running. I can say my thighs are pretty sore now! Hahaha

For the last 200 metres before the ending point, my thought was just : C'mon. Let's finish this and meet the rest!

When I reached the ending line, a girl passed this to me and said,
 

"Here's a medal for you. 

Congratulation!"

O_O

REALLLLLLLLLLLLLY??

Like whoa. 

W.H.O.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.

I was really surprised.

Top 100 for Women's Category? NOT BAD. lol
My timing this time was between 1-1.6 hours, 5-10 minutes later than my timing for Standard Chartered Run. Obviously, there was no improvement :( #sobs

A friend of mine said,
 

 "The more important fact is that you didn't give up, and to me that trumps timing! Keep it up and you'll be in top 10 in no time!"

Well, HOPEFULLY! *finger-cross*
Hahaha. I am aiming for 21km run next and colour run perhaps?
I really need to find the 'running' motivation for myself. 21km is double the distance of 10km duh o_o


Anyways, it feels good to sweat again :) A good activity to destress myself, definitely!

Five more months to go ;

The arrival of the old life where tutorials are mountaining up with new syllabus somehow terrifies me.
The never-ending tasks and assignments are coming back one by one.


Tough life is about to begin again.
The thought of it makes me want to laze, but I can't. I seriously can't this time because it's now or never.


Work hard for yourself, PK. WORK HARD FOR YOURSELF! Most importantly, divide time and have a well-planned-schedule.
"There's no more time for you to waste.", said Ms. G.


Afraid. Gasp. Gulp. Sweats. Jittery!
All sorts of emotions, mixed up, producing the utmost complicated feeling in the world.


Five months seems to be long, but in reality, five months will be a blink of an eye.
Living life to the fullest, here are some of my I-MUST-to-do-list ;



I MUST priortize and control. I MUST speed up. I MUST ask. I MUST dare to be different. I MUST have a thicker-skinned face for my mistakes. I MUST have goals. I MUST be able to say no. I MUST be optimistic. I MUST be determined. I MUST make use of my time. I MUST know what I'm doing. I MUST forgive. I MUST be nice to others. I MUST applied what I have studied. I MUST try. I MUST improve. I MUST enjoy life.

To say is easy as ABC, to act is where one is really tested whether one has the ability to do what that have said.


Prove me right, self. JUST DO IT!
....


Approximately, I have another 165 days to wear TAR College's student ID card.
Crap, who do I even count down the days I'll still be at college? :3

Fourteen days from now ;

By Martin Kühn

It's almost the end of April.

Eight more days to a brand new month, eleven more days to my first Moral Education exam and fourteen more days to my GP paper, my first AS paper that I'm going to sit for.

Things I'm gonna do to fully utilise the only time given ;

1) Complete pass year papers.

2) Study like crazy smart.

3) Never stop asking.

4) Compile all the question marks and shoot the lecturers.

5) Fight with Mr. Speed!

6) Ditch social networking sites.

7) Read more.

8) Get enough sleep.

9) Have a balanced diet everyday.

10) Sing incase of mental breakdown.

11) Play like a fool when stress exceeds the limit.

12) Revise. revise. revise.

13) Believe in yourself.

14) Breathe in confidence.

15) Be positive - chanting "I can do this".

16) At no time, say this to yourself : NEVER GIVE UP.

#oomph #oomph, PK. You must must must must work hard! :)

Gotta paste the to-do-list-after-AS-exam-post-it-notes on my wall nao.

Toodles, Earthlings!
xx

It was okay, not good just okay ;

Test four is over.
Trials is over.
What's coming up next?
self chant : AS.AS.AS.AS.AS.AS.AS.exam. :B

Bla bla and bla. Have not I mentioned all these?

Just to make a short recap, neway.

As all the results were distributed back, everyone else wasn't very satisfied with their results and THAT does not exclude me.

Well, I should be feeling grateful instead that I DID score better compared to test four but what made me so frustrated is probably my endless careless mistakes that I did in Maths.

If not, I'd have achieved a higher score.

Okay, leave all the frustration aside. My improvement isn't exactly very obvious, but they are detectable.

What I am lacking of now ;

1) TIME.

2) SPEED.

3) EXERCISE. (not physically but mentally)

Of course, the sleepless nights and stressful days of doing the pass year questions are unavoidable but that's life, me. You gotta endure that, you gotta ENDURE THAT!

I am STILL procrastinating, ANYWAY. (when I feel completely restless, and moodless).

:(

Am constantly wondering when can all these leave me alone like really alone.

...

Yesterday!

Wonder what are all these? 

(more stories here )

I'm lazy to re-elaborate again, so click if you're interested to read. :P

Gotta be prepared to go back to hostel, peeps.

See ya around.

xx

PS : At least, I'm improving. :) (glad)

PPS : Time to work extra extra EXTRA harderrrrr. #oomphness

Don’t be afraid to fail.

 Walk boldly in this time where mistakes are okay.  

In fact, mistakes are encouraged.  

College is such a perfect time to trial and error in finding what you love to do, and what you may think you won’t like to do.  

Try doing something you would otherwise be too afraid to try.

  Legal, that is.  Failing is a part of success, so why not try and fail when you have the parachute of college to break your fall, instead of the real world when it’s harder to go after dreams and projects, because then it’s all on you for yourself.

-Tumblr

Progressing but slowly ;

Picture from ;

So my study progress can be defined as not very good, nor very bad.
I'm accelerating, though slowly unlike anybody else.
I've been one of the most obedient child by not hanging around the cyberweb for a few days, which is something I should be proud of to a Internet-addict person like me. Heh.


Time is forever a good athlete, I, unfortunately is not.
But I can be a good competitor, by beating you, time with my non-giving-up-spirit.
Procrastination and laziness never leave me alone ever since I've came up with a new determination, last week?


They, I would refer as, at no time keep on the good job in attracting and tempting my soft-hearted soul. Say yes, SAY YES! I almost did.
However I came up with a no instead. :]


It's a good start, isn't it?


I want to continue being like this. Work constantly hard (like no one's business) for my future and most importantly, for my dear self. Though great intelligence does not belong to me, but I'd wish to prove that there's always this undescribable struggles or efforts behind every accomplishments in life.


Read more. Do more. Learn more. Give more.


Don't get affected by words. Work extremely hard but smart.
Compete with yourself, rather than comparing your results with the rest. Learn from people's mistakes, and seek for the experts if any question is raised.


Again and again,


NEVER AFRAID TO ASK.
(although it's stupid/embarassing.)


At the end, you get to learn something, isn't it?
:)


Self-control is important. Beat stress, beat stress! :D
So-so,


TIME/PROCRASTINATION,


Do not conclude the winner yet, who knows I might reach the ending point FIRST before any of you did. *smiles


Imma put myself to a stop here before the habit-of-talking-to-self is getting worse.


Hence, goodbye.

Mr Chong said ;

 "I do not like Physic, but I LOVE Physic."

We ended the tutorial class last Friday with loads of words of wisdoms by him. He's still the first Mr. Chong that I know, never stop motivating us, encourage us though the number of people who are taking Physics are dropping badly.

He's sad, curious, and wonder if Physics is really a killer subject.

No it's not. It's not even a murderer, just that many of us I can't get the concept and is not able to solve it with my Mathematical abilities which is.. .. .. not so good.

Gahh. 

"The exam paper was so easy and are form-5-like-questions. Why can't you all answer them?? (scratch head)"

Ouch. Sir, my A- for SPM Physics was a fake one.

"Class, you all are ABCD students, but why you all do not act like one?" (laughs)

Triple ouch. For that statement, I felt extremely guilty. Gosh, why am I even sorted in those classes.

Why oh why.. that my seniors and friends who study the same course as me can excel even in their tests, not to mention the real exam but why not me.

Why can they enjoy their college life and score for their subjects but why not me.

Why oh whyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Seriously speaking, my results suck. I feel embarassed, not pride. Don't ask me why alright. I'm so tired of answering this question.

To fullfill your satisfaction, I might as well just answer : I'm dumb. That's why.

How can I improve you tell me. HOWWWWWW.

I'm standing at the point of a progressive wave, moving up and down like a roller coaster. If I can't even survive for AS, how am I going to get some spaces to breathe for A2? :(

"You MUST do your tutorial straight every time you learn something new. Our memory will deteriorate as day passes. In that way of studying, you and your results will stay consistent, trust me"

Am I too late for that? I should priortize things that I should do, things I should not. Also, I'm not disciplined enough to refrain myself from going online. No one is going to push you, PK. You're already grown uppp!

I should have understand myself well (that I'm a slow learner), I should have started the studies earlier than anyone. I study, but I don't know how to apply in life. Oh that sucks. I make a lot of careless mistakes. I in fact is great in making unforgivable mistakes. I am not hardworking enough. I guess my self-reminder and determination is not enough strong to motivate myself to strive for the best. I stalk too much. I sigh a lot. I am acting like a kid. My optimism seems to be deeeecreasing and is not helping me at all. I feel like giving up but you know me well. I started to lose faith in what I'm doing.. I have low-self-esteem. I have no true talent (don't mention photography, I'll smack you for sure cos' everyone in the world is far more talented than me in that case) I am no good in any particular field nor aspect. (language, calculation, communication, music, art, science, application, etc) I'm good at wasting time. Best of all, I daydream a lot.

Picture from ;

I suck when it comes to all these negative thinkings. I seriously seriously need to be a good time divider, well planner. I need to ban procrastination. I NEED TO BE WAKE UP FROM DREAM AND BE SERIOUS.

"You must change your mindset. I told you this at the beginning of the class, didn't I? "

Yes you do, sir. I always remind my brain about it but it slowly fades away.. 

Fortunately, I do not hate Physics as how I hate it before, not only after I learn chapter Wave from Mr Hoo. He makes the whole lesson really interesting with his motion and stuffs. He's a god damn good lecturer that cannot be found else where :) But I don't seem to understand fast on what he said, cos' you know, I am NOT a quick thinker, and learner. He can't bear with my slowness, so I in turn should pace up to share the same speed as him. It's not easy, dear readers. It is not.

"Mr. Hoo is a great lecturer. He is by far more experienced than me. I taught for 12 years but he on the other way round taught for 30 over years! If I were his student, I would really enjoy learning from him"

That's undeniably true. Mr Hoo is extremely kind, soft-hearted and lovely :) I feeeeeel extremely bad when I can't answer his question most of the time :( My notes before was almost like a pile of shit.

I merely can't understand what he was teaching at all (those times when I hate Physics). At that time, I was nearly gave up, planned to drop Physics but thanks to chapter Wave and Elasticity, I found hope that I am not actually that bad in Physics. I just need practice and understanding the concept. That's all. 

 By scui3asteveo

"You all don't just study for exam. It's the knowledge that's important. You must enjoy while studying and for that, you'll remember forever, even ten years after you married."

Totally agree. Lately, since August, the trend was studystudystudystudyjustforexam. This time, I studystudystudyjustforscholarship. Godz, what izz life?

I actually hate being like that. Being pressured like crap. Being forced to study.

Hell, I am not enjoying what I have studied at all. I study for my benefit, my knowledge, my future, not for exam. Everyone should has this kind of mindset in their brain. Really.

Now, I am free from all these tension. I must tell myself, "You must know all these. These are common sense. THESE ARE YOUR FUTURE!"

"If you want to score for Physics, you must first master your Maths. Physics are all about concepts. Once you understand the concept, the only thing that you'll need to deal is, Mathematics"

When he said that, I was desperate looking for a huge hole to bury my head in. I told 'ya (that my Maths ain't good), I am re-thinking, am should I really take Physics as one of my subject?

*wonders

Chinese usually are the one who can very good results for Maths, but not me. It's miserable, I know.

I didn't even complete the tutorials and extra exercise that Mr. Lee gave. Ha, serve me right for getting such shitty results.

In spite of all the mentions above, I still have this little faith on myself. I really do :)

Once the game is not over, I'll still have lots of life to keep the game going. I have told myself in the last few posts, that I WILL BE STANDING proudly with other students, holding the A grade tightly, for all subjects of course!

I want to become the person who enjoys college life rather than studying blindly, stressfully. It's just a matter of fact whether I CAN or CANNOT divide my time properly for all these stessed life and relaxed life. (I wonder how many times have I repeated this )

I hate being looked down. I DISLIKE people giving me that look which says that I can't do it.

Few days ago, my name was being called during the lecture hall by Mr. L, my maths lecturer due to my oh-so-beautiful-careless-mistakes :/ :/

Ridiculously, he called me "Tan PK" like wtf yo. My surname is LEE not TAN.

Whatever bullcrap it was, I did not take that seriously so forget about it :) But the way he humiliated people was rather hurtful.

Later on, he showed me that kind of hand sign which tells me that "you're dead, you're dead" (TOUCHWOOD!) when I got back my paper.

I know sir. I totally suck. You don't need to add salt into the bleeding wound alright?

He started to make his comparison, then he said , "If your friend (whoever's name)  can do it, why you cannot?"

Due to enough embarassment, I didn't know what to respond to him. I just showed my fake smile, indicating that I understood and you don't need to explain further.

He's very mean sometimes (even I knew he was just joking)

The worst was he predicted those who can, and those who can't sustain their scholarship. When he pointed at me, he immediately shook his head. (HOHMYGAWD)

That's a curse, I'm sure.

Sir, I want you to get your fact straight. Listen to me, (if you happened to read this someday), I, LPK, who has the similar surname as you, will prove you wrong that I CAN FREAKING SCORE for Maths. You shall just wait patiently and observe my marks flying up bit by bit. Don't you give up on me yet, because I'll still put all my hope on you although you made fun of me (at times).

Picture from ;

"So in order to score Physics, your Maths must be good".

You hear that, PK. 

YOU HEAR THAT.

BOOOOOH ;

Don't say that you're going to fail without even trying or give your 100% best.

That's one of the motivational phrases that I pasted on my hostel-room's wall not long ago.

Well, hello you readers. Test three is in another twenty-one days.. Holi shit yay!

I know time's running and hereby I'd like to announce that I'll be away for three, eh no FOUR weeks due to the very.. very VERY IMPORTANT TEST THREE.

Basically, I'm wordless right now. Let the stress-dom begins!

xx

When it comes to a point where you're keep pondering,

Photo from ;

The amount of people who's taking Physics are obviously REDUCED after test two.
Worry not, I'm not included in that group. 

Photos from ;

Only 5 human beings in my class passed the Physic test. To dissapoint you further, I am NOT in the passing group. Hence, now you know the reason (chicken photo).


It's tough, you know.. when you're in the peak point whether you should keep staying strong, worrying what if the efforts that have been poured are all pointless?


Stay positive, PK. Stay positive.


It's even more heartbreaking when you sum and average the marks up, you don't even get digits nearly 60.
Depressing, I know.


A few more weeks before test three.


I just HAVE TO work extremely hard. Nothing is easy, I want to keep holding on, grasp my scholarship firmly with the pride that I SHOULD and DESERVE to get it.
It's very impossible but nothing is not possible if I try my best. Right? :)


I have a poor sense of language. People don't seem to get track or understand what am I saying/writing. All the words have been jumbled up. Essay isn't like a piece of essay. Constantly struggling, finding for words with the additional -lah -mah -meh and all the poorly rojak-mix-language made my life fun but at the same time SUCKS cos' speaking that kind of language for a long time would ruin me. People often ask, what language do you speak usually? Shame. Sad thing.


Okay, Imma declare that I just crapped with some nonsense up there.
Ignore that, okay?


I had a bloody emo-mood last Monday. I was feeling blue, unable to speak, ended up being silent for the whole day. The effect of overdue stress, maybe.
Thanks to Yuqing, who was willing to be my ears and supplied me with cute, supporting, not to mention ENCOURAGING words :)
That means a lot, you know.


Thank you Yuqing! :) *hugs


My life now is none other than stressful. Those people who isn't smart will feel me, definitely.
There's so much things to study, so much facts to absorb, so much concepts to be understood. All the time I have is only a few weeks.
You know why I said that?


In the morning, you go for lectures, then to tutorials and to practicals, where at times you will be suffocating over the 5 hour-non-stop-lectures which is basically.. .. .. killing your breath. At night, you HAVE to sacrifice your sleeping time just to complete all the tutorial (homeworks) nor REVISE if you don't understand. To a slow learner like me, it takes forever for me to even absorb a page! @@


I slept for 5 hours nowadays, I kid you not, just to catch up on what have I been missing.

Now you tell me, isn't that nerve-racking?

Constantly studying without a proper rest. Isn't that abnormal for a person?

Yet, this is the life that I chose.. shouldn't have ranted too much right? :)
Ignoring the negative sides, studying-learning-new-stuffs-is STILL fun to me despite all the overloading tension! :)


Seniors often advice me..

You better enjoy your college life now. 

Life at university is EVEN stressful and lifeless!

You know what I reply them?

No worries, seniors. 

I AM enjoying my life now. 

To the fullest, INDEED :)

I AM NOT GIVING YOU UP,

 YOU SHITTY PHYSICS 

HAHAHAHAHA.

Plus, I have some mini problems with Pure Maths, Chemistry and GP essay writing as well.
HOW SHEEEZ?


The only choice I have now is to have strong determination to overcome the weakness within me.


BY THE WAY, I have 37 blog followers nao > :) I seriously don't know the reason they follow my blog (probably because it's interesting which I don't think it is) but hellow fellow followers( if you're reading this) THANKS FOR FOLLOWING YAWWWW :D 




Hug?

:D

If you keep saying you do not know, you're stuck in nowhere but shit;

How's life?
How are you?

How's everything?

To answer questions above, life is great, I am perfectly well, thank you and everything is fine. FULLSTOP.

Chemistry test will be on this coming Thursday, which I cannot gurantee that I can score better than 60 marks like how I did in test one. Biology-Mathematics-Physics test on the week after and oh not to mention Malaysian Study FINAL exam which includes Chapter 5 to chapter 11 (FIVE horrendous long chapters, I tell you) that basically is killing my cell slow but in a rather painful way. Serve me right for playing too much.

I totally deserve this.

Speaking of all this KILLING-TIME activities, September is arriving soon. And I actually do NOT know the exact time that I'll be receiving a love letter from PLKN. Oh yeh, I'm SOOOO NOT GOING.

I'll defer, for sure.

My urge to settle this thing as fast as possible is hoping not to have any trouble while in the process of defering. 

OH ANYWAY, to those who got selected for the third batch, you are pleased to go to this particular website >

http://www.khidmatnegara.gov.my/ to check the location for your camp, by stating your identification number carefully and properly.

Guess where I got ?

KEM PLKN SINARAN SURIA, MUKIM SUNGKAI

Guess where SUNGKAI is?

My state's dear neighbour, named Perak, lmfao.

Tarikh Lapor : 10-SEP-2011

Needless to consider, IMMA DEFER !! *drum rolls

Now I need the letter to be sent to my house mailbox I-M-M-E-D-I-A-T-E-L-Y.

A-level is more important than anything in my life right nao. Never have a thought to postpone nor delay my studies due to this. 

NEVER.

On a brigther note :> ,

AS (a part of A-level) examination results was out! And I am so proudly to announce that my senior, Sherene Ng Poh Li scored very well in her AS!!! :D

Kudos kudos! :D

Miss Chong and Mr Siva were grinning the whole day, scolding us less (of course :P ) smiling and smiling and YES SMILING TO THE EXTEND that nobody could ever described! Hahaha :D

Yeh, I'm so happy for the seniors too :) NO grade D and only 3 C's for Biology can you like imagineeeeee. OMG.

My seniors are all smart people! Sherene even told me that there ARE people in her class who scored FULL MARKS for all 4 subjects like asdfghjkl OTL. *salutes

SO SMART that I've nothing else to say. *salutes again

Hence, the expectation on us to score BETTER or AS exam next year is higher, nonetheless.

Oh boy, I FEEL THE PRESSURE. I FEEEEEEEL IT D:

It's not easy, I must say. Not easy.

But YES! That totally inspires me to score even BETTER nao.

YES I CAN! :D

*cheerio

Title : Love Confession

First and foremost, a great apology for the late blogpost to those who is regularly checking out my blog, and those who is waiting for my this. 

By vanessa.paxton

Needless to brag, the blogtitle says it all. I wanna confess my love to someone something. 

No, really! I mean, it's something, not someone.

I'm pretty pretty pretty sure.

And you did not read wrongly.

*dissapointing cheers

Boo-ing me, are you?

To NOT dissapointing you further, I advice you to close this tab immediately or you'll yawn til' bored.

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You still reading?

There you go my "little" secret : 

Dear Physics,

I've had a crush on you ever since I knew you in 2009. No, I hate you when we first met. You're so bloody annoying that teared my heart apart in every arrival of the test no matter big or small. I ALWAYS have a hard time communicating with you, trouble in solving your problem, imsomnia every night thinking of you. But why, Physics, tell me why that you need to torture me to the extend that I can't figure you in and out. You made my heart skip a beat whenever the results are out. You melted me down when I'm delighted. You are so effing challenging that I am unable to catch you tightly. Illogical brain in me makes you feel that I don't suit to be your girlfriend, isn't it? I've been working extra hard, I even dumped my Add Pure Maths for you. Love me back, will you?

Sincerely,

Me.

Typical letter that most teenager will write these days. So unrealistic and stupid, I would say. How can you expect the subject to love you back when you don't put 300% efforts in loving it, right?

Physics is all about concepts and applications in daily life.

Not everyone has a typical-logical-twistable brain. Unlike me, I have an artistic brain who creates random art without thinking. That's how I differ from the rest.

Picture from;

The ability to understand and apply what you have studied is rather difficult if you do not utilise your brain wisely.

It's a super easy subject if you think things at all angles. It's true that the lecturer told us, "You all are lazy to THINK!". Very precise fact that is too good to be truth. The world is like being diagnosed with this "lazi-ness" sickness easily.

Many of my classmates have dropped this particular subject. Due to overdue pressure or the inability to understand that subject further, I pretty much guess. Sad to hear, sad to know.

Nevertheless, that's a hard choice to make. I'm sure that they made the decision after countless of rational thinking. 

Yet, there are STILL people keep holding onto this subject.

"No matter what, I will NOT give up on Physics."
"I - die die also WON'T drop this subject."

That's the spirit that makes me stay alive with them. I was determined and wasn't sure with the choices that I'm holding. So dangerous and insecure. It's like a time bomb, which can explode anytime, anywhere. Somehow, the number of people dropping this "honey" here actually encouraging me to do the same like them. Oh dear, peer pressure huh?

I did not, however.

Whenever I said,
" Good god, this subject basically killing and I HATE IT. I feel like deleting it from my life!"


But at the end,
"Where's your never give up spirit? Have you really put your best effort in it? Tell me, have you?? "


That question is like my daily wake-up-call, a sense of motivation to tell me not to give up, to move on with a greater courage and say boo-yah to all the physics-related-killing-questions. I have friends, I have tutorial lecturer (Mr Chong KK), I have library and reference books. WHAT TO SCARE, I ask you, WHAT TO SCARE right.

To have better focus on Chemistry and Biology rather than twisting your brain for the dear Physics?
Oh, come on PK. Don't give so many idiotic excuses when your time management is suckass and yet you can mention that you don't have time for Physics?
Ha-ha-ha. What a joke.
You can achieve nothing in life without hard work.

Mr Chong told us a story of himself ;

"I came from a poor family. No one would even look at me because of my family background. Yet, I study very hard to gain knowledge. With this knowledge, I can win anything and there's no chance for them to look down on me. I never give up, but keep on asking my teacher all sorts of questions. There was once, I got 65 for Add Maths for the first test and to tell you the truth, that was the lowest mark that I got for my Maths EVER in my life, because previously all my Maths results are above 95. *whole class yell HOAHHH* Yes! But after I learn my mistakes and keep on doing solving problem exercises, my Add Maths marks were never lower than 95. *stunned* That's why, you must not afraid to ask. Even it's a simple question. To some of you it might be easy, but if you find it difficult, just ASK. Never be afraid to ask questions. Afterall, you will gain something at the end."

I don't know if it's a true story but he is such an inspiring person :)

Even if the story is unreal, his effort in encouraging the student to NOT give up is very impressive. ;')
This lecturer was one of the reason that I didn't drop this particular subject ever since I studied the first chapter. He made me realise that nothing is really impossible.

Keep telling myself, "If I have failed in Add Maths before and improved as time goes with my countless efforts that I poured, I CAN DO IT FOR PHYSICS TOO."

I freaking swear that I can do it. (without distraction, like the internet, of course)

Although many people is giving up, I will NOT give up.

I repeat,

I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

Though it's hard, I want to be the last one standing, keep holding on until the end of my A-level.

Better yet, 

I want to stand next to those proud Physic scorers with an A together with a star :)

Remember that, PK.

Picture from ;

P/S : Ever so unfortunately, the "someone" isn't appearing in my life yet, so who should I confess to other than this lovable Physics right? :b