Motivation, where art thou?

Hellow fellow readers!
Semester 6 nursing student reporting here, feeling demotivated since Saturday (yesterday) and tomorrow (Monday) is gonna arrive. Soon. :O


Nuuuuuuuu, as the blog title speaks it all, motivation seems like it is finding its way to hide at a deepest hole which I can't find and here I am, blogging how I feel right now #yikes

Anyhoo, I am on SNAPCHAT WOOHOOOOOOO NOT. HAHAHAHA butbutbut no lens filters for dear iPad mini though. #sobs
I started my first few posts today with a black background featuring some #nowplaying songs. (inspired by Ah hui's) Hahaha if lens filters exist, I'd have played with it but meh it's not available.... it's alright then. :(
I'll switch to "spam my followers with #nowplaying 10s" playlist. (I bet they're gonna be annoyed, like SO annoyed. LOL)

Here's a thing about snapchat. It is fun, yet it could be very pointless at the same time especially when we are bored. I hope it won't turn out to be a distraction to me because the reason I created snapchat isn't to distract myself, obviously.

By the way, (switching to uni life updates) my research year has begun (hooooraaaaaayyyy NOT). I've chosen a topic, now doing chapter 1, ONLY chapter 1 and I am half dying, like literally #deadfish

The hassles and the trouble of finding and reading many many many articles. Ugh, I salute those who really has passion in research (like my research supervisor!) Whenever I wanted to sigh (so much) that I failed to do this (for instances finding articles) and that, somehow she will brighten up my day with sparkling ideas, beautiful smile and her sparkling enthusiasm. Yeah, basically, she's always so sparkling and it is truly inspiring! (I wish I have her 'sparkling' character :)) )


Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaih-wait no. Stop sighing.
Don't let 'research' alone to defeat you so easily, PK. You are stronger and better than you think. Just because research is more 'powerful' and more 'knowledgeable' than you doesn't mean you're gonna give up and sigh all the way, ya?


"Step by step. Know your own pace and do your best in every step you take!"💪💪💪


Yep, that's what I'm gonna tell myself whenever I feel demotivated.

Step
by
step.

#youcandoitpk #faith

Frust-

In this house of five, everybody has a role. Unity and harmony will not appear by its own without significant effort by each of them. 

What frustrates her the most is, everyone (except the youngest) loves to display egoistic character no matter what occasion. Together with stubborn trait that is glued in them, how to come together as one, you tell me?

Every single year. she has to deal with this nonsensical (can be solved) matter. Every 365 days she has to hear and bear with heart stabbing questions and answers. And for 16 years she has to overcome all sorts of negative comments, smirks, sarcasms, and hateful intentions from people about her loved ones.

Seriously, guys. Stop it.

The youngest one is tired.
Tired of being the centre of communication for everyone. She is tired of passing the message around, feeling frustrated with the answers (some times) and she has to channel the message to the person who asked the question, leading to even more frustration on both sides. 


The youngest one is helpless.
Sometimes she doesn't know what to do to help to improve the situation. Talk it out? She tried but it was pointless. And she has no one to express the matter to. Because no matter how much she express, the person she expresses to can only listen, cannot help much.


The youngest one wants to be appreciative but is too sad to do so, sometimes.
It is really hard to be grateful especially when you are upset. Sometimes she thought, "if someone does not appreciate your move/action, why do you have to be the one who initiates/do so much every single time? Why must you let your heart hurt even more?"


The youngest one has learnt to be selfish.
Selfish, in this situation means, she has learnt to love herself more than everybody else, to the point that she cares less of people's welfare, etc. Because she thinks that if she waits for people to make herself happy, her heart has already died a thousand million times.
Besides, she even thought of escaping and have an independent life as soon as she can to be freed from all these.
Selfish, selfish but she just can't help it.


The youngest one feels less inspired lately.
Don't know why, (maybe it was due to the recent heavy workload of assignments) she felt less inspired than usual, rant more than usual and feel less positive than usual. But she is glad to come across Dr. Mike's twitter account, which he posted quite a number of positive quotes either from himself or from the internet, it actually comforted her, a lot. Thank you, Dr. :)


Worry not, the youngest child just feels a little down lately, just need a little space to type it all out, not to brag to the whole world of what she is encountering. 
She will be back stronger, feeling more inspired and more positive after this.


She just hopes everything will be okay. 
Strength! 💪


xx

Yesterday was bad. And I expected today to be worse.

Bad because ;

• I turned down something that could change my life. Seriously, with my strong reasons, of course.
• The lecture notes for today were not uploaded to E-learning portal. I checked again before I went to bed. There was NOTHING! (hmmph)
• Worried about the upcoming job on Friday.
• The pressure to go back to uni for semester two. The annoying dress code, the pack timetable, ughh :/
  

Today, it turned out that it wasn't as 'worse' as I thought.

• Lectures today was okay, prolly cuz' the teacher is interesting. I love the way she teaches us! :)
• Met back my classmates. We are back to the crazy-nurses-mode-as-usual ;)
• The upcoming job on Friday issue was surprisingly settled!
• Briefing ended slightly earlier today, was ready to go for frisbee but with no luck, *thunders
  oh you know what happened :/
• Felt bad really.
• But I still am very thankful.

Ah, idk what is wrong with me my mood today. Swing here and there like nobody's business :(

And then, when I came across this at a page,


"Kids never think twice when they wanted to achieve something, they just do it.

As we grew older, we tend to think too much and end up not achieving anything at all. Because we are worried of failure/mistakes/criticism."

So true right!

It hit me.

And it also reminds me.

That we shouldn't be afraid ; to achieve what we want to achieve ; to be confident in whatever we're going to do ; to be stern and firm ; to make mistakes ; to be outstanding.

Buddy's motivational words are inspiring too :)) #blessed

Funny how a song like 'Love' by American Author could cheer me up in just 3 minutes and 17 seconds.

It's funnier when you've poured everything out (indirectly) in the form of words, it feels even better!

Meanwhile, SEM TWO STARTS TODAY! Time to get back to studies :3

Ironic

Just when you're about to start studying, there will be people telling you..

"Don't stress yourself up! Chill!!!"

or..

"What? You're studying? Chill weyh I haven't even start a thing!"

=__=

Just when you're about to enjoy yourself, have a good relaxing time after revision, there will be people telling you..

"You post a lot of photos huh. So happening, looks like you're enjoying yourself" sarcastically

or..

"Study hard"

or..

"No need to study is it?"

with that kind of tone like I procrastinate every single day, every single minute.

=_____=

..............................

Just to point out ; posting photos/sharing photos/posting statuses does not mean that I don't study at all yeah? Similarly, always hang out with books does not mean I don't chill and relax myself yeah?
AND
Posting a lot of positive quotes/words/sayings does not mean I'm happy all the time without frustration or sadness yeah?
Everybody has their own way of studying (their ass off) as well as releasing their stress.

People often say that posting positive stuffs/sending positive stuffs to people will create a positive outcome, that's why I hardly rant online (except at Twitter, sometimes if I'm too stressed up :P Poor followers). At times, it's very annoying that I just have to point them all out HERE to make things clear.

Still going to be myself anyhoo. Thanks for giving me the pressure, but I think that it's good to feel the stress for the good reasons, not the bad ones.

I'm not taking these personally and definitely not letting all these to bring me down!
Good day, peopleeee :)

WAKE UP, SLEEPYHEAD

So are you excited for your first class? 

(insert hyperactive smiley here)

Truth be told, I felt half excited-half not. Guess it's just neutral?
First few classes were pretty okay, Mr. Alexius Chang's lesson on Introduction to Psychology was INTERESTING /fangirl face/, oh well partly because it is my favourite-dream subject to study -ah yes just a heads up, I'm taking Psychology subject this semester not because I want so much but I HAVE TO. It's a good news for mehh hehe /fangirl face again/

I remember very clearly that classes on Tuesday was EPICLY boring, as the whole day was filled with lectures continuously with a long break in between and then continued with MORE lectures. :B Then I had my first not-so-well-prepared-presentation ever after so many months of not touching microsoft power point. It was about history of nursing ; touching on Florence Nightingale (if you're interested on who on earth is that, you can just google it) and also different religious approach in that field. I was doing the latter topic while Pris did the first one. It horrified me a few minutes before the presentation that.. I actually misinterpreted the topic and did "How does religion play a role in the development of nursing?". Pffts pffts pffts.

Feeling extremely crappy, I apologised to Ms. L for did it wrongly. Thankfully for her kind-hearted-ness, I was forgiven and was allowed to present what I had prepared. :D

Blablabla and then Ms. L evaluated all our 10-minute-performances. To my SURPRISE, Ms. L actually complimented my group for giving extra details and said it was well done that one of the group members did apologise for mistakes made, etc etc (I think she was talking about me coughs). I was expecting more harsh comments regarding on speaking, providing more relevant details but meh she was really nice and gave us a lot of encouraging words! Haha, I've learnt my lesson and grateful enough for what she said that day. :)
And THEN I had one of the longest break ever THAT week because Ms. SWT was absent, so two classes with her were cancelled and will be REPLACED some other day. /sob sob/

Moving on, I'd like to speak about a very serious issue (serious mode on) regarding on falling asleep in class. Idk why and since when that I actually feel extremely sleepy whenever I'm in class, good god why I was almost asleep in nearly every single class that I attended UGHHHH FML. I was caught red-handed (almost) closing my eyes like a panda having not enough sleep and then BOOM, during Sociology class, Ms. P asked,

"Hey, are you okay? Do you need some stretching/standing maybe?" (with that understanding look)

Feeling embarassed, and immediately I was awake for the rest of her class, lol. Hahaha.
One, I admit, the 'couches' on the auditorium are too comfy, even my friends said it's impossible to not fall asleep under such a comfortable environment :P
Second, is when the lecturer speaks at a monotonous voice or bullet-train-no-pauses tone... gah, can you imagine?

Imagine me doing like this, trying hard not to fall asleep for REAL.
(I wonder how the lecturers thought if they saw me with that face, lol) *hides my face*

Ahh man, this cannot happen anymore tomorrow and the days after tomorrow! Pretty shitty embarassing whenever I think about it :B
ANYWAY, throwing that topic aside,

I

FINALLY

GOT

MY

STUDENT I.D.!!!!

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy not.

Hahaha cuz' the photo was not pleasant-looking meh :< A couple of guys said, "Eh, okay what!". Haha yeh it looks alright, maybe not up to my expectation maybe? Y'know, girls just being girls -not satisfy with whatever photo on IC/passport/student ID being taken :P Hahaha, actually it does looks fine lah just that when I have gotten and looked at my student I.D., the first thing I noticed was my eyebags, lol. That's why I dislikedislikedislike it, well to not comment further, it's gonna last for goddamn four donkey years. So yeah pk, just BEAR WITH IT.

Ending the post with a few o.o.t.d. (outfit of the day) vain photos on Thursday, catch up with y'all soon :)



P/S : I miss my straight bangs! D:

Being random ;

It feels nice to type something when you're lazy/tired of studying bored. It definitely feels nice to blog when you have nothing else to do after the major cyber-stalking. (putting the tutorial workbooks aside :P)

Mehh, life life life.
Why is everybody so enthusiastic of ranting about life?
Hectic. Busy. Awesome. Splendid. Whatever adjective you could describe it.


Isn't it better to just stop complaining and just continue living without feeling ungrateful?
In fact, reality sucks. Humans are just never escaped from giving comments about.. .. ... .. life.

Mehh.
The arrival of the new month makes me happy, sad, well mostly happy but a tiny bit of sadness that AS results is coming out in another thirteen days, (hell, thirteen is never my favourite number). On a side note, another very important trials exam is just around the corner (which is exactly 38 days away from now) and lastly, my A-level course is going to end, very soon. :(


Am loving the life I'm living now. The life that I enjoy every moment with 500% enthusiasm and 80% optimism. The experience of being independent, living in a place far away from home, the chances of meeting new people, getting to know the norms and the real attitude of people in this society, no matter how rude, how selfish, how typical they are, I learnt from their mistakes and I improve.


There are, indeed a lot of changes in between humans within a year. Be it good or bad, I've seen it all. Some has finally revealed the so called "true colours" of him/herself, whereas some has definitely became better by removing the negative attitudes by replacing them with the good ones.


A part of the people that I met has true talents that of course, amaze me to core. 
However for some people, it's just funny, that.. ... they have this weird behaviour, of showing off, and is proud of doing things without consideration of others' feelings and points of views. Individualistic, egoism, intolerance.. didn't you learn how to compromise back in primary school? 
I feel embarassed and speechless, you needn't ask me why. How I wish that they have this "sense of awareness" being planted in their mind all the time when it comes to interact with ... .. . people.


It's hard to find a true friend, really. I am thankful that I found a few good friends in college whom I can trust and rely on. :)
Oh no, don't you get offended by what is being said here. It's all generally speaking ideas by this mini little brain of mine.


Whatever it is, life's still life. It isn't going to be interesting if it is filled only with good people. :P

Done with...crapping. HEEHEE. Ciao!


PS :
By the way, I find this incredibly true.
"I don't need to become pretty in order to become beautiful. So do you."

Hai-po-free-eh-nee-ah ;

I honestly would like to compliment the person for creating such a word, which oxford dictionary (online) can't even define it! Kay. You're a genius, whoever-who's-creating-this.

Am not even sure whether the meaning fits the word, but it sounds cool so hypophrenia it is!

My current mood, by the way.

Well, well. *about to start some old grandmother stories

It all started yesterday, afternoon I reckon, after an announcement about having a replacement class next Saturday to be extremely precise. :(

Since I left Convent Kajang, my dear high school, I've been dying to go back there, to visit the teachers, the juniors that I've known for years but none of this is coming true because I can't go back home during weekdays, only weekends.

I've heard from the young juniors saying that they will be having a Sports Day next Saturday which I think it is a great opportunity to step back into my school compound, to look back at the place whether there's any changes, to visit back the newly-built guide's cottage and yes I miss my school's field, basketball courts, corridors, classes - everything! 

I CAN'T go back for god's sake this time yet again because I HAVE TO attend the important replacement class, I just HAVE TO. :( I even planned to have a photography shooting at every corner of my school early morning, le sigh.
Can you feel how frustrated I was when I heard the news? Can you?

Don't get me wrong. I am sincerely not blaming anyone in this case. Just a slight dissapointment that things don't go as planned.

Life.

Some friends asked : Why do you miss your high school so much? Isn't college life wayyyy cooler?

Sure, it is cool. However, I'm still proud to be one of the Convent students. The school gave me so much memories for at least ten years, which I have been studying - half staying, knowing each and every of the dark secrets and god knows I spent a decade of my life there, how can I forget so easily, you tell me.
The multiracial friends ranging from seniors to juniors that I've made though imperfect but still one of the nicest thing that had happened in my life. The dedicated teachers that brought so much laughter as well as I'm-not-going-to-say-much-but-I-assume-you-should-know-moments.

I really really miss school.

Alright, alright. Enough of the rants, I'll accept the facts and will be going with the flow.

Today.

From my past experience, learning new terms is awfully interesting but it is a nuisance sometimes when you don't get what your lecturers are actually talking about, ended up you have to further read up and do research about it. Ha. To some point, I had come to a realisation the mistake I did and that made me think back for what I did for AS. *gulp.

Sheez, am not going to mention anymore, what has passed is a past, no longer is present or future.

Mind was full of drowsiness and thoughts. Concentration during the class kinda failed the whole entire morning, I would say. Thanks to my non-sensical dream, my brain's too tired to  think of anything. Even the study plan this afternoon at the library wasn't  going as smoothly as I thought. It was exceptionally cold today, don't ask me why.
As you know, my college's library is never known for its warmness, so if you want to feel numb physically, feel free to any of the floors and allow your teeth to chatter excitingly.

For some reason, I think the cold environment is one of the reason why I am feeling moodless too. Crappy excuse? I know. (hahahhaaha in silent :P )

Some saying goes like this ;

The beginning is always the hardest. So you must never ever give up.

which is true. I've always believe that nothing in in the world comes easy and free for you. You have to battle and struggle first before you come to own all kinds of enjoyment in life.
Yeah.


It's funny when people around you shoot you a question like :
"Why you don't seem to be upset whenever I see you?"


Whaaaaat a joke. Truth to be told, I never really show my depressing face unless I am very deeply emotional due to a somewhat relevant-epic-sad-reason, the worse I could go is just stay silent for the whole day, of not talking or trying to talk or laugh even at the lamest joke or even bother to listen to any juicy gossips/stories, appearing to be very tired, wanting to sleep away all the depression.
But most of the time, I pretended that nothing was wrong, telling self that it's okay for multimillion times, smiling all day just to kill the mini sad moments I had.
Spreading bad moods to friends is what I hate to do and it's a totally no-no for me to see friends upset because of my present negative feelings.


Of course, at certain situations, I do seek for friends that I trusted to share my feelings and also to ask for opinions. :) Warning first : I don't go for suicide or is stupid enough to take any pills just to calm myself down. Hell no.


So, don't worry. I was just having a moodless day, not emotional definitely.
A perfectly well defined term : A feeling of sadness seemingly without a cause. There you go.


(cheered up mood) :)

Now may you please allow me to laugh at this one?


xD

They said ,

Picture from ;

Of all the searched photos, I found this, which truly describes my current, up-to-date mood. It feels sucks, actually.

Not because of exam, (well it does partly related to that) but it's rather about.. a question.

A question, which was being issued by a friend of mine to a lecturer,

Q : Will you choose talents? or.. hardwork?

A : HARDWORK.
(with no hesitation in his voice.)

Really?

Is that just all?

But why I don't seem to be seeing any of this happening in my life? 

Am I being too impatient?

Probably.

Yes, I'm answering this to myself, just to do some self-reminder, before I go from upset to.. depressed.

Picture from ;

Perhaps, it's not enough. Perhaps, I have been too unwilling to wait. Or perhaps, my speed isn't there to fight with time, yet.

You know, the very important test, this time which I shall name it as trials, for short, is extremely important to me all of us, where THIS trials can determine where we actually stand and how far are we from the grades.

To stand beside A's?

It's hard. Really really hard.

Apart of being worried, I've lost some sense of believe and faith a few hours ago. All of my doubts came rushing and messed me up. How in the world can I study not for exam but for myself?

I've gone from normal to a steady stress level to a complete berserk mode during these last-minute-studies.

Being the good child, I've set a discipline plan for self by not tweeting nor facebooking, to avoid these addictive-distractions and also to stay away from the cyberworld unless I really really need it for urgent cases like assignments. :(

BUT THIS does not indicates that I hold my book where-when-ever I go, memorising facts, studying like a geek. No way,

I do sing. I sleep. I eat. I play. I even daydream for most of the time. Because.. I am a human being too!

Now, who has the dare to say that I go for 24/7 study when I do not appear online? Screw you if that thought has ever came across your mind. :(

I could have listed the negative impacts of exams on human beings, physically, mentally as well as emotionally aspects here, one by one but trust me, it is pointless.

Picture from ;

Replace the phrases "do you keep crying" to "are you being sad".

Regret? 

I can't. It has been a mistake that can't be undone, once again. Soon, all these will be compiled into somewhat called helpful lessons for me to become better later on.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I hate being the sooooo unlike-self, who is soooooooooooo emotional to the life I'm having right now.

As Mr. L's current status was about,

"On call 47 days for AS."

Yes, now I'm very aware of that, sir. Thank you for the reminder, and thank you for not stopping to give me that kind of hate-able stares which I really really feel upset about whenever I see you.

.......

As time passes by slowly, I've learnt that things are not meant to be taken too seriously. Be satisfied if you have done your best in trying every single thing in life, and that does not exclude the questions in exam no matter how long it takes. As long as there is some effort being poured, you know that you're on the finishing road, but not reaching your destination just yet.

The being-open-minded mindset within me has evolved slowly from a point of view, to another. It doesn't have to be tolerant only to opinions, it also can be applicable in receiving flaws? or simply the mistakes that human beings made in life.

Just two hours ago, I've done watching a movie called,

which I would rate it 3.0/5.0. 

All I can comment is it is just another average, romance movie. A little bit boring but the sense of humour got me til the end.

What caught my attention was sayings like .. .. .... 

1) I have loved her even when I've hated her. 

Only married couples will understand that one.

2) But I can promise you this : 

I will never stop trying.

At least,

I'm feeling so so so much better after all these words being all typed here. Is self-motivating-case like this scaring you? Tell me bout it. (I hope it's not).

That's pretty much the way I release my moodless feeling, not to any person via phone/text/MMS/videocalls/skype/facebook but to a non-living site of mine, here.

Truly sorry if you've spent your precious time and energy reading all these crappy thoughts.

Meanwhile, I'll be having Chemistry Paper 1 tomorrow afternoon and Physic Paper 1 the day after. Am not exactly sure whether I'll ace them or screw them. But most probably it will be the second choice if luck is not on my side.

Just.. .. .. wish me luck?

I believe I can fly ;

Picture from : google

1) Life's distractions : Laptop. Maxis broadband. Bed. Daydreaming. 

Hi. I set rules for self. A day without twitter, facebook and dear blogger. Isn't that a simple task to do?

I believe.. 

it's a yes.

But hell, nothing much were being stuffed into my brain today. Chemistry?
Only chapter two and a few lines of equations uncounting the crazy lots of.. .. .. fainting facts.

Biology? I've started nothing yet. Ha.ha. CHEEEEEEEEEEEERS.

Testestestestestestestestestestestestestestestestest. 

Man, I want to die.
or perhaps,

I wish I am smarter.

As you can see, (refer to the 4th life distraction that I crossed out), thoughts can't stop coming in, imagination can't stop bring me to nowhere. Even staring on the wall while studying becomes interesting. *facepalm

That makes me a great thinker, I assume. What worse was, my head tend to land on the table after halfway reading facts and oops.

Of course, the snooze button of the red alarm clock of mine was pressed (i think urmm.. ) at least 5 times just to remind self that it's time to study but the so called "adventurous" dream happening in my brain was just too addictive to stop. #epicfail

The mood to study eventually disappeared since I reached home on Friday night.

2) Dear everyone,

Do you know the definition of home?

A comfy place to rest - our body, our mind with our family.

That's MY definition of home, mind you.

Undeniable that my Kajang room is not the best place to chew in facts. (okay. Noted).

or..

I daydream unnecessary-impossibilities too much. (okay. Noted)

Should get rid of this immediately. Come on, self-control.

3) Been reading many updated blogs recently. Those words in each stories are beautiful, inspirational. I see how grown-up my best pal is now. Her thinking, her maturity have reached to an amazing level which sparks me some jealousy right here, right now. She is  climbing and improving herself constantly to a stage where all the adults are standing at current.
Afterall, it's a part of growing up, isn't it?

I feel so proud. :')

For the rest of the diaries I've read, I sense many things hidden, left unrevealed. There's something behind their life that is so mysterious which intrigued me. When you talk to people publicly, you only get to touch the surface, the surface of their biography, not knowing what's stored inside their heart, their brain - the real situations that are beyond expectation. If you're curious like me, you'll feel like knowing more, to the point that you wish to grab and shake the anyone to tell you all just to let your intense-desire-to-know die. But all this. takes. time.

Yeap.

That's apart of the reason that I don't practice "judging people by appearance". Judging without knowing the deeper side of a matter is brutally wrong.

The action of comparing self to brilliant people out there aroused after did the stalking-reading. All the self-esteem and confidence have dropped from three hundred to negative ten.

Been continually wishing this and that but not being grateful for what I have now. The life that I'm living now, the house that I'm living now, the things that I own now, the healthy soul that is living now. Why must I wish for more?

Alright. Self-esteem and confidence have boosted to five hundred percent again.

4)

-Never expose too much of your weaknesses to anyone else. 

No one is going to help you, but yourself.

Lesson that I have realised that it actually exists, lately. It simply is giving people a chance to look down sympathically at you, judge blindly, speechless, as well as smile helplessly at you.

5) I miss reading like a drug addict.

Speed-reading reduces tension within me. And it's nice to spend your time really focusing on a story that the author is trying to say. Probably, I'll restart this habit again by.. this month?

....
6) Have you ever wondered why would I type all this out?

My advice is, don't think too much if you reckon me being all emotional suddenly. I am not, in fact.

Just.. I don't like keeping these thoughts spinning around and it will be best  to express them out here rather than jailing them in the organ inside my head. :)

7) I just don't get why some of my readers tell me : AWESOME POSTS with a thumbs up. *laughs

I don't think you'll say that word out loud ANYMORE after reading more of posts like this.

xD

8) I am, yet smiling when I'm typing all this. Stress is immediately, DELETED! :)

9) Later in the afternoon, I'm going to follow my sister to her working place- The Mines Shopping Centre as to change my study location to overcome all these LIFE DISTRACTIONS mentioned above. I know, and I believe, that  I can do it.

:)

In the meantime, I'll spend my breaks by exploring the whole building, to search for new sport shoes that I want, checkered tee that I've yearned for, to discover beautiful things around me and restock my food supply at Giant hypermarket.

Note checked. note checked. note checked.

It will be all good.

10) Why not?

I am a busy queen ;

For real.

Greetings, readers. I'm here to post some updates about my current life and hope this will not bored you to death if yes please get out of here or to be polite, do click the (X) sign in red at the above RIGHT of this page.

Note taken?

Thank you. :)

So you know, my brother has got himself a beautiful China wife, as stated. 

WELL CONGRATULATION BRO. 

Please get me a baby boy or girl to cuddle with, SOON :P

Life has been super hectic and busy for me! From day one I started my college life for semester one until the end of the day of 2011, even after the New Year. The word "bored" simply can't come out from my mouth as my time is fully occupied 24 hours, daily. 

Yeh, that includes sleeping, eating, walking, travelling, laughing, and so so on.

It was really pathetic to see no new year resolutions being posted here like how I used to do it yearly. 

No, I did not forget to have plans, I just simply don't have the sweet time to blog them out.

Serious.

Well, maybe by this weekend, I hope. You'll see a post about how I spent my new year, together with the to-do-resolutions. Nothing interesting happened but it was at least NOT very boring but somehow enjoyable. :)

If you noticed, I have *counts* THREE previous-to-be-edited-posts pending, left unwritten and uncomplete. (which I'll do it when I'm free). 

I sincerely do not want to miss anything that left a huge impact in my life, which I shall call them as memories. And these memories should be jotted down, so when I looked back,

at least I know, I had something beautiful once before in my life :)

....

The day before yesterday, I came back to hostel RELUCTANTLY, missing my room at Kajang once again. Hence, the study cycle starts again. (oh no)

 

I cleaned the room, without the presence of my roommate, trying to make the room homely and as comfy as possible, telling myself that,

"You can do nothing now but to stay strong, miss independent!"

Wednesday (yesterday) was the first day I went to college to officially start my A2 syllabus. Guess what?

The timetable as usual, is forever hateable. (I hope this word exists somehow)

Nothing's nice at all, when it comes to Wednesday's classes. I'll be having 3 EPIC continuous torturing killing science subjects lectures in the morning and ended with 2-hours-oh-sorry-but-it-is-really-boring-Moral-Education.

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Oh, I wanna swear.

Looking at the timetable makes me feel very tiredddd :/

On the bright side, the lecturers this semester are okay, I suppose. Nothing has really changed except for Mr. Hoo. D:
He's not going to lecture us anymore, not even tutorial or practical! D: D:
I feel sad but at the same time, I failed to be an excellent student last sem during his lectures so serve me right.

SHAKES HEAD.

FAIL, PK FAILL.

Ms. Chong (bio lecturer) has a baby girl now ;) The temporary lecturer that replaced her looked and sounded strict, yet nice. She'll do well in teaching us, I hope?

Mr. Siva is still the old man that I knew, the very nice, knowledgeable man that I respect, NEVER stop stressing us out by making an announcement ;

"We'll be having class this Saturday, you know. Hahaha (laughs alone)"

My immediate reaction was :

What the FREAK! You MUST BE kidding me, aren't you?! *wide eyes

Undeniable, it is a fact. School replacement this Saturday, slap my face please!

All my plans to have a very last time spending one night with grandma, and my Aussie family failed miserably.

GAHHHHHHH. *murders

"There will be exams after the Chinese New Year holidays, which is around February" said the lecturer.

(-____-)

Worse still, I just got to know that I'll have only THREE days of Chinese New Year holidays this effing awesome year. Great news for everyone, I can't hang out with my high school friends anymore.

*trying to chill-self*

The feeling of stress on the first day of college absolutely SUCKS! Although meeting back the people are such a pleasure, but all these shits are really really. . . . . . . depressing :/

Exams are everywhere, I have no idea whether how am I going to cope with my studies this time. *sigh

I need strength, a motivation to make me say,

"Hell, I CAN DO IT. 

I CAN'T SAY I CAN'T BECAUSE I CAN".

Back to the point, time management is still the issue/problem that most of us are having now. Being able to differentiate the entertainment and serious-ness clearly is pretty tough once procrastination has attacked your soul before. Whether or not you're going to be a great student or lazy-ass student this time, it all depends on you, PK.

Work hard for it. 

Please, for your better future.

You know, every minutes that has passed did scare me when I'm typing all this. Heart was pounding real hard when the it was twelve. Nervous sweats were dropping one by one when I heard the non-stop tickling sounds.

Time killed mentally.

....

Anyway, it will be my very last family gathering tomorrow at Kajang. I'll be going back home to meet them after my class. This will be the real farewell and I'll miss everybody which I'm very sure of that. (sad)

Now let me end this post with this ;

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"Do not allow the stress to control you. Control the stress instead."

Signing off ;

Don't stop believing ;

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Sometimes, I wish I am that strong, that optimistic. I've been really negative ever since January. Nothing runs smoothly as planned.

 

Results were horrible. Not below 50 but still horrible. A lecturer of mine was obviously dissapointed, so was I. How I wish I am a genius for once. How I really wish that my brain can operate as fast as lightning.. 

 

 

How I wish.. .. .. .. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

which is impossible,  I know.

Guess it's okay,  so I shall just 

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AS-exam is in another 6 more months. A-2 syllabus is coming soon, which is going to start on January 2012.

The upcoming holidays are going to spend with families, outings and other planned activities. All the time have been occupied and when can I re-study, you tell me :(

 

I need to work really really hard to score. I need to read a lot of books. I need to do a lot of research and exercise. All in all,  I NEED TO BE HARDWORKING. Nuff' said.

 

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That (sentence in the photo) is so true. That's when comparison starts to spread around.. between the genius and the less intelligent people. It hurts when people started to give you that smirk, puzzled face. It even hurts when lecturers started to mention your name and  teased you in the most sarcastic way, just to annoy you eventhough their real intention was just a silly joke.

STILL, it hurts.

I'm so tired. So tired of writing all about the exams in this diary of mine. I am tired to see so many stressful post here, I'm tired, just tired of you know.. everything.

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Either way, that's life. Nothing is avoidable and it's a fact that each of us (me) has to face. Things come and go, we should see things in an unexpected way, a different angle of life. Letting go isn't an option, it's a choice. If letting go makes you happy, why not? Somehow in some way, there's always chances. Mistakes are meant to be made, failure is definitely essential. If there's no failure, where comes the success?

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There is no point, regretting over what you did, whether it's done badly or greatly. What has done cannot be undone. Accept the outcomes with a positive mind and move on. Recorrect the flaws if there's any. Improve youself from the flaws rather than blaming the imperfections.

To be a better human being, I choose to fail.

Stand up straight, PK. Life's still pretty,

as always :)