Motivation, where art thou?

Hellow fellow readers!
Semester 6 nursing student reporting here, feeling demotivated since Saturday (yesterday) and tomorrow (Monday) is gonna arrive. Soon. :O


Nuuuuuuuu, as the blog title speaks it all, motivation seems like it is finding its way to hide at a deepest hole which I can't find and here I am, blogging how I feel right now #yikes

Anyhoo, I am on SNAPCHAT WOOHOOOOOOO NOT. HAHAHAHA butbutbut no lens filters for dear iPad mini though. #sobs
I started my first few posts today with a black background featuring some #nowplaying songs. (inspired by Ah hui's) Hahaha if lens filters exist, I'd have played with it but meh it's not available.... it's alright then. :(
I'll switch to "spam my followers with #nowplaying 10s" playlist. (I bet they're gonna be annoyed, like SO annoyed. LOL)

Here's a thing about snapchat. It is fun, yet it could be very pointless at the same time especially when we are bored. I hope it won't turn out to be a distraction to me because the reason I created snapchat isn't to distract myself, obviously.

By the way, (switching to uni life updates) my research year has begun (hooooraaaaaayyyy NOT). I've chosen a topic, now doing chapter 1, ONLY chapter 1 and I am half dying, like literally #deadfish

The hassles and the trouble of finding and reading many many many articles. Ugh, I salute those who really has passion in research (like my research supervisor!) Whenever I wanted to sigh (so much) that I failed to do this (for instances finding articles) and that, somehow she will brighten up my day with sparkling ideas, beautiful smile and her sparkling enthusiasm. Yeah, basically, she's always so sparkling and it is truly inspiring! (I wish I have her 'sparkling' character :)) )


Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaih-wait no. Stop sighing.
Don't let 'research' alone to defeat you so easily, PK. You are stronger and better than you think. Just because research is more 'powerful' and more 'knowledgeable' than you doesn't mean you're gonna give up and sigh all the way, ya?


"Step by step. Know your own pace and do your best in every step you take!"💪💪💪


Yep, that's what I'm gonna tell myself whenever I feel demotivated.

Step
by
step.

#youcandoitpk #faith

Everyone has their respective flaws, so do I. 
There is always a hidden (most sensitive) flaw in a person which he/she does not wishes to reveal. 
Because afterall, it hurts.
Because afterall after sharing sad thoughts to friends, and expecting a comforting answer in return is not gonna be 100%ly work because their level of understanding compared to mine is just different.


........................
I have been repeating the same old (bad) habit, for years.

For I don't know how many solid reasons I've told myself to stop that bad attitude and temper, it just comes naturally again and again especially when frustration comes along.
And I don't know how many reflections I did to not repeat the same thing again but it always , always fail.


I really don't care what people think, really. What matters is that attitude/behaviour/temper of mine is wrong. Shouldn't have thrown tantrums, shouldn't have let emotions take over everything.
Where is my great patience in this situation, I wonder?
Where is the critical thinking skills in this situation, I thought?

I guess, it has become a 'used-to' habit but NO.
You can change that, self. You can.
It's just a matter of changing it, maintaining it, and always always keep your ego down.



Respect. Mannerism. Patience. Kindness.



You can always object but with good reasons and good intonation. Try to speak at a low tone and professional manner. You always believe that communication solves problem and you certainly do not wish arguments happened due to miscommunication and misunderstanding, don't you?

Think wisely, self.
You are no longer a teen or a child. Rather, an adult who is supposed to think and act better.
Be extra empathy, especially to the elders.

It's always useless to type the thoughts without transform 'em to actions. Don't make fall promises to yourself, again.
Try. Slowly, it's okay.
Try.



Cuz' if you don't, and if time does not permit, you'll never get a chance to be what you wished to be again.

Heck, throat!

I'm officially a sem four student who is currently down with another sore throat (2nd time of the year) -_____-

Week one has been very very busy with many many workloads and first class test falls on the 4th week of my new semester and I am not lying! *hyperventilates*
It's like going back to sem two all over again :'/ The hectic-ness I mean.

Sigh, anyway.. I shall stop procrastinating and start working productively. Time is running, time is running, self!



P/S : Not having the mood to do anything sucks.

Truthfully speaking,

Sem four timetable was very (N).

Seven class tests on April. Do I look like I'm kidding? No.

Am I excited for it? Definitely, absolutely not.

Reflection? ENJOY ZE SEM BREAK TO (ABOVE) THE MAXIMUM YO. Watch all movies you want, read as many novels as you can, sleep as long as you desire, have the most relaxing days with your time occupied with meaningful activities.

Gosh, this hectic schedule reminds me of sem two again. 

Oh btw, I've gotten my results yesterday morning. Frustrated for one particular subject which rose my CGPA just a little, causing me not to achieve my self target :(
Overall, I did fine. Shall keep up with the excellency for certain modules, but shalln't underestimate easy-favourite subjects. Lessons learnt, lesson learnt. 

I dare not repeat the mistake again.

Work harder this coming sem?
Perhaps. I MUST.

Pray hard for me as well, will you?

I will definitely try my utmost best. That's the promise that I can give






to my self.

The 8th day ;

EXACTLY. It's the 8th day of February.
Gulp hard. Real hard.

...
Y'know, everything is so uncertain. Plans, dreams, future.
Nothing can change the fact of the past, done means DONE. Either learn from it, get over with it or ditch it. It sucks when everything feels uncertain. It's like having to walk on a road with many junctions but you don't know which road to choose or worse still, you don't know how to continue walking until you sat right at the centre of the junction, pondering. Guess that's life, isn't it? Full of decisions to make, full of considerations to take.
It sucks. It really really sucks.

If god were there to grant me a few wishes, I want to be blessed with a good study life, good working life, good love life, good family life and a healthy, happy life. That's all.
I don't need any luxurious, branded items, grand bungalows or even a wealthy husband, I just want those simplicities that I mentioned.

I really dislike uncertainties, it often makes me think a lot of what ifs and what nots. What if the results is not what I expected? What if they don't offer or accept my applications? What if I can't get to study what I want? 

#nowplaying : You've gotta get up and try try try.

CNY is coming, I don't feel the mood, at all despite all the cheery songs playing all over the radio/TV commercials/in shopping malls. My sister is married, my bro had decided to celebrate it at China this year, left me alone with my parents. :l
I secretly wish that it is not going to be as bad as I thought. Keeping my fingers cross now.

Sometimes when you have 24 hour a day, you spend 10 hours sleeping, 3 hours eating, 4 hours chillaxing, 2 hours reading, 5 hours doing one thing. This, I'm gonna say is by far the worse time planning that I will ever come across if this is happening to myself. Such unproductive day, doing mostly nothing. Oh well, I am always reminded by the elder ones, time is precious. Treasure it well or not you'll sure regret wasting it.

"Stay strong".This is what people always say.


Neway, I am turning twenty soon. Say yay or nay?

By ΛLLIEMΛLLEY

I don't know what to feel or what should I feel now. I'm going to get my results for AS examination later at 1pm - ONLINE. Yes, you hear that right. ONLINE. According to a senior of mine, certain lecturer might announce it at ze lecture hall, I was like "WHAT?!" after I received the text message saying : Yes, they do announce. /crappy smiles/ People are nervous, people are tensed up, people are freaking out by look, sound or via facebook statuses. I, on the other hand felt absolute calm and serene, though heart did pump a little bit faster than usual, I would say, I am perfectly chilled as though tomorrow is another busy Monday to start my week with.

So many meetups and outings have been happening lately. I am very glad that I finally get to meet dear best friend of mine, ShahielaC last Friday before she officially leaves to Kelantan to pursue her studies in a course that will bring a bright future for her this coming September. :) Deep down, I am happy and is very proud of her. :')
"Do your best at Kelantan, honey. Do not forget to electrocute some Kelantanese- hot looking guys alright! :P "
Friends are leaving.. to their respective universities, to overseas, to their favourite countries..happily hopping to achieve their dreams. In the past few years, I still remember how active we were, complaining about nonsense homeworks, participating countless curricular activities, breaking the rules especially during the senior year and wearing ze school uniforms. :3 Boy, how I miss the blue pinafore that I used to wear.
But a fact that all of us cannot deny is : We are all growing up.

Yep.
At times, it's kinda annoying knowing the fact that one still hasn't sure of their future pathway, their future plans and is still clueless on what one is going to do, to earn for a living, and so so on. Life sucks when you have to keep on considering and finally making the right decision out of so many possibilities and a sea of crazy choices. Why am I not born genius anyway? Otherwise, I'd not have to worry all these and keep on doing the self-analysis as well as taking the career quiz according to personalities? Gah. I'm bored with all those already. Just.. when is the time I'm going to know and be certain? :(
Yet, the old dream of mine is still there, undisturbed by any influences, which I really hope to realise or to achieve one fine day. It's a life test, whether or not judgements and various opinions could defeat the one and only strong determination that lies within one self. We shall wait and see then.

So many things happened at such a short time and I don't know where to start with. I still owe people a lot of un-uploaded photos anyway. hehe. My apology! :P
Things are getting so un-sorted and messy, it somehow really makes me sad. How I wish I am disciplined enough to force myself, to set priorities, and to avoid unnecessary distractions with a strong N-O. Occasionally, I would laze around due to over-tension-mood by doing things that make me happy. But that does not mean that I neglect my studies completely right? Studying is fun, actually. I never hate it ever since I started to realise the importance of studying for self-knowledge, for future use, not merely just to pass an exam. Although getting extremely good results is such a tough task unless you spend 3 hours of sleep only daily (I would call that out of normality -insane) and never stop working consistently hard and study smart, I am grateful that I get to learn. :) Hence, I am going to keep my fingers cross, hoping for the best and of course expecting the worse to happen. G'luck for the rest of the A-level students all around the world!

On a very joyful note, I've adopted a family member, for I shall call her my sister, to join Nikon and Sony -the camera family. She has a beautiful name, if you're interested to know, please remember "Yashica". :)

2 weeks ago, we were anticipated to watch the opening ceremony of the Olympics and guess what? The closing ceremony is going to happen live from London in another hour! Last week, we were enthusiastically cheering at a Mamak stall for Dato' Lee, who's rooting for a gold for Malaysia which unfortunately, luck wasn't on his side, he got a silver medal instead. BUT NO MATTER WHAT, you are still our inspiration and one of the national heroes that WE- the Malaysians respect. Congratulation again, Dato' Lee Chong Wei. Thank you for everything!

Our national diver, Pandelela won a bronze for Women 10m platform category for diving, which made the whole nation equally proud as well! :D

Me/ Ma
Look! How talented is she to get a bronze for our country!
Yeh.
She's the same age as me, teehee.
Look at her, at your age she makes the country proud, what have YOU done? (going to start some stories)
(trying to stop her) Okay, Ma. Okay, Ma. Chill. :3

I can feel that time is really running very fast. Fasting month is about to over and Raya/holidays are coming. And trials for A2 is drawing near too. Crappy moi, what's the point of telling all these just to scare self or YOU- the reader? 
Whatever it is going to be, have plans, do it, enjoy the process and have lots of faith.

Til then.

Hai-po-free-eh-nee-ah ;

I honestly would like to compliment the person for creating such a word, which oxford dictionary (online) can't even define it! Kay. You're a genius, whoever-who's-creating-this.

Am not even sure whether the meaning fits the word, but it sounds cool so hypophrenia it is!

My current mood, by the way.

Well, well. *about to start some old grandmother stories

It all started yesterday, afternoon I reckon, after an announcement about having a replacement class next Saturday to be extremely precise. :(

Since I left Convent Kajang, my dear high school, I've been dying to go back there, to visit the teachers, the juniors that I've known for years but none of this is coming true because I can't go back home during weekdays, only weekends.

I've heard from the young juniors saying that they will be having a Sports Day next Saturday which I think it is a great opportunity to step back into my school compound, to look back at the place whether there's any changes, to visit back the newly-built guide's cottage and yes I miss my school's field, basketball courts, corridors, classes - everything! 

I CAN'T go back for god's sake this time yet again because I HAVE TO attend the important replacement class, I just HAVE TO. :( I even planned to have a photography shooting at every corner of my school early morning, le sigh.
Can you feel how frustrated I was when I heard the news? Can you?

Don't get me wrong. I am sincerely not blaming anyone in this case. Just a slight dissapointment that things don't go as planned.

Life.

Some friends asked : Why do you miss your high school so much? Isn't college life wayyyy cooler?

Sure, it is cool. However, I'm still proud to be one of the Convent students. The school gave me so much memories for at least ten years, which I have been studying - half staying, knowing each and every of the dark secrets and god knows I spent a decade of my life there, how can I forget so easily, you tell me.
The multiracial friends ranging from seniors to juniors that I've made though imperfect but still one of the nicest thing that had happened in my life. The dedicated teachers that brought so much laughter as well as I'm-not-going-to-say-much-but-I-assume-you-should-know-moments.

I really really miss school.

Alright, alright. Enough of the rants, I'll accept the facts and will be going with the flow.

Today.

From my past experience, learning new terms is awfully interesting but it is a nuisance sometimes when you don't get what your lecturers are actually talking about, ended up you have to further read up and do research about it. Ha. To some point, I had come to a realisation the mistake I did and that made me think back for what I did for AS. *gulp.

Sheez, am not going to mention anymore, what has passed is a past, no longer is present or future.

Mind was full of drowsiness and thoughts. Concentration during the class kinda failed the whole entire morning, I would say. Thanks to my non-sensical dream, my brain's too tired to  think of anything. Even the study plan this afternoon at the library wasn't  going as smoothly as I thought. It was exceptionally cold today, don't ask me why.
As you know, my college's library is never known for its warmness, so if you want to feel numb physically, feel free to any of the floors and allow your teeth to chatter excitingly.

For some reason, I think the cold environment is one of the reason why I am feeling moodless too. Crappy excuse? I know. (hahahhaaha in silent :P )

Some saying goes like this ;

The beginning is always the hardest. So you must never ever give up.

which is true. I've always believe that nothing in in the world comes easy and free for you. You have to battle and struggle first before you come to own all kinds of enjoyment in life.
Yeah.


It's funny when people around you shoot you a question like :
"Why you don't seem to be upset whenever I see you?"


Whaaaaat a joke. Truth to be told, I never really show my depressing face unless I am very deeply emotional due to a somewhat relevant-epic-sad-reason, the worse I could go is just stay silent for the whole day, of not talking or trying to talk or laugh even at the lamest joke or even bother to listen to any juicy gossips/stories, appearing to be very tired, wanting to sleep away all the depression.
But most of the time, I pretended that nothing was wrong, telling self that it's okay for multimillion times, smiling all day just to kill the mini sad moments I had.
Spreading bad moods to friends is what I hate to do and it's a totally no-no for me to see friends upset because of my present negative feelings.


Of course, at certain situations, I do seek for friends that I trusted to share my feelings and also to ask for opinions. :) Warning first : I don't go for suicide or is stupid enough to take any pills just to calm myself down. Hell no.


So, don't worry. I was just having a moodless day, not emotional definitely.
A perfectly well defined term : A feeling of sadness seemingly without a cause. There you go.


(cheered up mood) :)

Now may you please allow me to laugh at this one?


xD

Bloody slow ;

Picture from ;

That's true.

You agree with the statement too, don't you?


...


I'm sorry, for the rather negative sounded blog title. I was actually referring to the bloody slow internet connection, the bloody slow internet connection, I repeat.
You know, there was this 23rd Golden Melody Awards happening at Taipei last Saturday, which was being aired live but I was sleeping soundly at home (as far as I remember) - so as a conclusion. I missed that entire show.
Nevermind about that because I am really outdated (know nothing, in another words) about songs, singers, as well as the newcomers in the Chinese entertainment arena.


BUT!
S.H.E (one of the famous Taiwanese girl group ) was one of the performer THAT NIGHT.
Holy sheez asdfghjkl. How can I say nevermind to that.
Due to a minor accident that occured on Selina, one of the girl in the group back in 2010, S.H.E did not came out with a new album for like a year and a few months? That's what I heard from online news and friends. Mehh.


NOW!
They are back. Rumours said that new songs will be expected to be coming out REAL SOON! Gosh gosh gosh. *panting


THIS video (about their performance during the award ceremony THAT NIGHT) is tempting me. Amazingly speaking, the bloody slow internet connection failed me. :( I had literally prepared to soft-scream when the host and the hostess announced their name. REALLY. It has been such a long time since I watched them perform.
Last Sunday - midnight, I was the only one in my house, staying awake to watch a borrowed dvd- about S.H.E's Taipei World Concert or something. Pardon my lack of knowledge, I can't really read chinese characters stated in the dvd so I can't further tell you much about it. Anyway, the concert was fantastic. All my hairs was standing (so you call goosebump) whenever they started singing. *melts


The first and (I'd say) one of the strongest Taiwanese girl group that I love since 2004 and is still counting! Even now. <333


So yeah. The bloody slow connection is bloody slow. Okay, I seem to have repeated the words bloody slow for many many times already? Hahaha.


BACK to study, oh *yawns

I had hectic weeks and busy days are already filling my life with tonnes and tonnes of homeworks.
Now you comprehend the reasons of my absence in this pretty addicting-cyberworld hence excuse my lack of updates - blogposts, photos, statuses, tweets. Hehe.


(am still loading the video that I mentioned above, btw :3)
Meanwhile, it's late now. I better climb to my bed or to complete my tutorials.
Buhhbai.

If you have the determination, you just gotta do it.

Not good ;

LOSING VOICE SLOWLY IS HELLA..

..

....

.....

torturous

:(

Have some wake up pills, will you?

I, the master of this little diary, is good at procrastinating, super professional in lazying, won a gold medal in onlining and what's more fantastic is, I'm the QUEEN of daydreaming.

 *claps claps

By 9 0 0 0

I think, I should get some brainwash, have some mental wake up calls, and fold myself as tiny as possible to wake myself up. I'll NEED TO have a better time management. Apparently, time flies and I am unable to catch the time that has been.. wonderfully.. .. .. wasted.

Icouldpossiblyusethetimewastedtoreadachapterofanovelorperhapsstudyphysicsforgodssake.

Ugghh.

I, can have entertainment, but NOT TOO MUCH

Overstressing is pathethic, I know. That was why I emphasize seriously in this.
Imagine when stress conquer you, you'll be sitting there, crying for extra time, hating yourself for lazying and not studying. Some even don't bother to give a damn about it.

Idon'twannabelikethat.

I've zero idea on why didn't I utilise my weekend well with something good. All I did was online. online. anddd ONLINE. *desperate face

FML.

I didn't even spend my time watching weekend shows, or listen to the radio, updating myself with new songs.

All I did was online. online anddddddd you know it.

FML again.

Oh god, tell me.

How lifeless can I NOT be?

..

A thought came into mind,

"Will you die without facebook?"
"Hell no, why would I? "

 PROVE IT.

Always note to self : Do not online more than hour. Only online when necessary :b I wonder if the word "necessary" exist.

Tumblr, Y U CAN READ MY MIND?!

The CRAP(s) ;

Okay. Pardon me. I forgot to insert "What" before "The CRAP(s)".
*push all my hair up and tie a pony tail*

This is another CRAPPY-emoish post. Hee, kthxbai you may leave this page.

......

(serious, unhappy face)

1) Apparently I called the lady in charge about the hostel application thing and she replied with a delightful tone saying that the hostel is FULL. -__________- FML.
2) The wonderful thing is, I haven't receive the offer letter yet. Ahhhh so brilliant, I must say. The class is going to start in another two weeks. DUH.

3) I can't stop spreading emo tweets ever since Thursday.

4) The slow-ass internet speed is behaving like usual which made me extra mad to click the "refresh" button until I'm tired of it.

5) Now where do the hell should I get myself a rented room and all my 10-15 minutes plan (walk from my dream hostel to the class) has been OFFICIALLY ruined. RAWR.

(less serious, less happy, less sad face)
1) I FINALLY changed my old-almost-broken-phone to something new, usable, not very high tech, acceptable phone. Haaaa :/
2) Kinda regret because I can actually choose a less-mega-pixels-backberry-like-camera-phone. But but but due to some influence on 5 mega pixels phone, I quit and choose the other unlike-blackberry-phone instead -,-

3) Such stupid me, refer number two. SUCH STUPID MEEE :3
4) K fine. I got myself a new phone so whatever just ignore the complains. I shall be slapped for being so ungrateful.

(annoyed, irritated face)

1) Procastination brings you to nowhere but hell

2) So far so good, I don't miss studies at all. What's wrong with me? -___-

3) Just studied 2 pages of Chapter 7 Biology. Seriously what the eff. YOU ARE SO UNPRODUCTIVE la, PK.

4) I need to go school AGAIN (for the sixth or seventh or maybe countless times) for the verification of the certificates. Now I am really really mad.

5) I don't care but I want to settle everything (college) by next week. Shopping (for college) the following week and last gathering/outing the week after. Oh shit, is there any week after? -__________-

5) By however ways, I must get things done QUICK.

6) If you were to continue your unhealthy life style dear lpk, Imma swear that you are grounded for life! LOL. So much of my self-scoldings.

7) Enough said.

Aha. Well are you annoyed with my rants already? Cos' I am, you know, haha.
Kthen. This is just some stupid random post. If you did read, thank you and sorry for failing to make your day.

Untitled #1 ;

 "Everytime after I wash my hair,

I'll see a Taylor Swift's kind of hair when I see my reflection on a mirror. 

Well, it's just that the curls are not as pretty like hers *grins* "

April is basically a busy-hectic month. Concerts? Multiple of them. Scholarships? Gazillions of them.
Every Bruno Mars or Justin Bieber or even Maroon Five's fans must be darn excited this month. I don't understand why these singers chose April but THEY ARE going to have their respective concert, HERE duhhhhhhh. I mean, Malaysia :)
As excited as it sounds, I did not get myself a pair of tickets to any of THESE concerts. *pat self
So jealousy overflows me whenever I see someone upload pictures about BRUNO MARS CONCERT. Or videos about Bruno Mars singing Nothin' On You *melts halfway
Horrifyingly envious.

Heh, anyway, I'm going to have my scholarship interview tomorrow. Wish me luckk! :O
Pretty scared and nervous actually. GAHHH!
After tomorrow, I shall dance with joy! :D

In the meantime, if you want to be a SAYS.my member like me, CLICK HERE.
If you want to join the lucky draw contest, (who knows you'll win yourself a pair of tickets to JB's concerts) click HERE.
And if you're wondering to do nothing this coming weekend, don't be. Click HERE for the list of exciting activities! :D

*exhales* I've been doing a lot of advertising lately. Are you annoyed? :b

Join SAYS.my

23rd of March will be the most remarkable date ever.
Be it the suckest, best, or just the most unforgettable.

I've had enough nightmares.

I've had enough fun.

I've had countless rest.

I've had enough lifeless days.

Most of all,

I've had enough of WAITING.

I don't know what will happen tomorrow,

I wish I have a Book Of Tomorrow like Tamara in Cecelia's novel.

I wish my results aren't bad.

I wish juniors will stay in class, no wandering.

I wish teachers will understand if I fake a smile.

I shall stop worry
and

go to sleep.

Good luck, y'all.
See you tomorrow!

You know what?

Therefore, you have to stop telling me that I worry too much or probably scold me for being a busy dreamer who can't stop thinking about stuffs, even before I proceed into my dreams every night. God made me like that, accept me for who I am which I'm sure a part of your body cells will be like mine as well if you're going to face the upcoming JPJ test which is on TOMORROW and worse of all, the very fearful and dreadful results which falls pretty much on Wednesday.

Ha. That's my main point.

It's merely IMpossible to stay cool and calm down when the days are getting nearby like seriously. KUDOS(!) if you say you're absolutely cool with it when the day arrives. Ahh well, I shall see how COOL will you be until you got your exam slip. I bet you'll cry your ass off, wiping tears and scream for life. Wait. Unless you're a genius, that will be a total different story.

You have no idea, how would I shiver, tension and nervous about this thing.
Dude, SPM is not equals to PMR, nor UPSR.

After T'm done with re-reading my ex-post with the title Road Not Taken written last November (the title is weird, I know), I began to jitter again. 
These freaking grades will determine my life. A (the grade) seems easy to see, to touch but tough to score. What's more when the alphabet A is divided in to plus, neutral and negative (minus, people call). Sincerely A, I pity you. But you should give me some consideration because you're killing every organ of mine mean-ly :/

Oh no i just.. Just feel like dying :S Okay I was just kidding. I just want to lay on the floor like this lady in the picture. So bad, SO SO BAD. :L
I'm only expecting myself to get at least 6 A's (the worst), or better, > 8A's.
Note : The A's I mentioned including all the plus, neutral, and minus.

10 A's is suprisingly impossible cos' I know how I did for Bio and Acc. :(
Well, hopefully or perhaps the curve of the graph goes down, who knows, I MEAN WHO KNOWS right, I'll strive straight A's. (Y)

HOAH. Dream big, PK.

..

I was expecting too much I guess. Perhaps I shall consider B, C, or D too.
Be humble, expect less.

I did not pray enough hard, did not do my very very very very best, did not work extremely to the max-hard, did not manage time wise-wise-wise-wise-ly, oh boy. Whatchu think I'm gonna get? Bangonthewall.

Previously, (referring to 2005 and 2008), the years when I took the VERY-IMPORTANT-EXAMS when I was in standard 6 and form 3, I was quite confident, that I'll score. But now, no. I might cry anytime I want.
It will be an emotional day, for sure. No matter flying colours or not, you'll see people tearing their lungs out either too happy or too upset.

Yehhh. Experience told me. I've seen so much of these scenes since 2007.
I still remembered how my seniors sobbed so hard, phone called their relatives while blowing their noses, laughed with tears, and ahhhh - too much to be described here.
Some were swearing, unpleased with what they've got.

Like ; "WTF did I get a B for Bio?! I never scored a B for Bio in my whole entire school life"

According to some of them, the results were pretty much out of expectation and so they called it BULLSH*T.
Haa, very scary. Do you feel the fears already? Sorry if I made you feel so but..

CHILLAX LAH!

Perhaps our batch will score better? *self-console*

LOL. I hope :( 

So I shall leave the rest to God. You, 2010 SPM taker, must do the same too. If you've did your best, don't regret on whatever you got.

PS : God, please bless me with the ability to drive smoothly tomorrow. I am hoping for a better car, and a better weather. You will grant my wishes, will you? Mannn. I must do my best,  don't screw it, PK! :L Ahhhhh WISH ME LUCK, people! > :/

xx.

I found out something.. REALLY COOL :] that my previous post's content is irrelevant with the post's title, wth.

It should be bitter and sweet or something else. Tsktsk.
..
Now here's a little update about MY life since after the New Year's Eve.

Eve of the New Year's Eve.
-Mum said she's ill. Literally very ill.

New Year's Eve

-As her daughter, I take care of her, without touching the cyber world. I am brilliant.

New Year

-Midnight : Received text as usual :) Was a bit suprised that people these days still giving New Year wish vis sms. Heck yeah, we human beings are awesome :) SMS is still the best even after the internet has been invented.

Day : Had a rather emotional afternoon because Mum had not recover yet.

Night : Went for a wedding dinner with Pa at Winston, KL (opposite The Pavillion, KL) :) Wasn't feeling really well as I was really moodless to go to anywhere during the first day of 2011. However, I was forced to go, which I forced myself to smile to everyone even I had a pale-ghostly-non-make-up-face. Thank god, the food there really cheered my day night up. The food was scrumptious!  From the appetizer to the dessert, all I can say is they tasted really really good. I gave 'em TEN GOLDEN STARS :) Well well, maybe that was my first time been to a so high-class hotel, which you might even went for gazillion times. So what? I was darn grateful though :)

A day after New Year

-Went to Sentul, KL (my grandma's house) with my Mum by KTM, whom I believe her house is going to tear out by the gov in another 2 more days :( Grandma at Aussie is sad but we can do nothing. Things, furniture and stuffs like that are needed to move to a new place. Mum (who's still sick), Uncles and cousin were having a major headache.
Otw back, there was this foreign lady, asking me about the train platform whether it's heading to Serdang. I said "Serdang? Yes!" *confidently* lol. First time :> She's kind. She was giving her seat to an old woman unlike some Malaysians there, siting and staring. Shame on you.

Two days after New Year

-Sis brought mum to see the doctor. Got recommended by the doctor and his wife (the nurse) to go to Educational Fair (once again) at KLCC this time :/ They said physchology isn't really popular here :(
sigh
..
Oh wait, school has reopened huh? Cheers to all the students out there :) Texted Sze Hoong about school stuffs. Aha, I was updating myself anyway :P She said, Pn Menirah is no longer at Convent. :( That's sad.
She's a very dedicated Art teacher whom I repect, and she's one of the cutest teacher ever. Even Suk Kuan likes her, duhhh. Of course, she's sometimes sarcastic and behind all her words has its meanings but I really like her as she likes to make us laugh. If she scolds, she scolds or advices us in a good way. No lie. 
Her passion in art is admiring :)

Three days after New Year
- It's Tuesday isn't it? Almost bored to death. Almost, not yet bored :) Thankfully Astro Hua Hee Tai paid me a company. To tell you the truth, watching all the same Taiwanese drama all over again was not good. You can memorise their phrase and might as well acted it out :/ Mum's still not in a good condition yet. Can't sleep well, and coughing all the time.

Four days after New Year
- Yesterday, wasn't it? :) Finally got to touch the desktop! :') Felt ultra different cos' I felt special independent, a grown up who shouldn't get lazy nor childish anymore. Promised self to not procastinate or being a lifeless soul anymore. Posted up pictures of books for sale.
It has been so far so good. Nearly all is going to be sold out :) Aha, the feeling of joy for getting rid of those exe books out of my cupboard is undescribable.


Today
-Sick. Voice turned gay. Snapped passport-sized-picture (face looked pink and my hair doesn't seem alright :/) 

I haven't post any of my yearly resolutions for 2011, have I?

To-do this year ;

• Wanna be more than matured. No childish thinking in my eighteen-year-old-life.
• Be enthusiastic in everything I do
• Less hot tempered. Smile more.
• More sporting than last year.
• Becoming a decisive person, certain and happy.
• Enjoy every life processes
• Think before I speak
• Master my language (Mandarin, Hokkien, English and Malay)
• Don't complain too much
• Control feelings and be steady.
• Need to be more systematic and a girl full of plans.
• Don't only say it but do to prove it.
• Read more.
• Confident.
• Stop comparing and don't lose myself
• Try not to judge people based on their look.
• Improve photography skills and also editing picture skills.
• Be proud of what those difficulties that I encountered, shaping into who I am today :)
• Don't lose to failure! Try harder next time.
• Absorb a bit of fashion knowledge. Being untrendy suck.
• Always think of those who's unluckier than you.
• Patient. positive minded. chill. cheer up. in any circumstances. 
• When comes to failure, always say I-can-do-it for manymany times.
• Says I AM AWESOME more than I SUCK :)

Longer than elsewhere? Ha, thank you. I know :)

Noob ;

Ohai. I'm done with all the Sciences papers. All of them strangled me equally bad. I'm not a genius, yes, I AM NOT A ONE. It's normal if those papers drive me mad.

Geniuses say : Oh c'mon. That question paper was easy man.
People who isn't that smart like me say : Gahhhh.. You're insane.

Oh maybe the question papers were actually easy. Just I don't study as hard as I suppose to. Damn me. I am very dissapointed with myself. I wish I could be at least 10% as intelligent as them. Just ten and I would be so satisfied and happy :) But things like that doesn't happen. Face the reality, PK.

You have to work hard, sweety. No matter how much time are left before SPM [45 days I tell you. FORTY FIVE! ] *gasp* , you must work hard, PK. Seriously you should. I think I've repeated this for countless times. I'm so bored and tired of those self-motivate-sentences.

Anyhoos, I'm pretty glad that at the very least, I've tried my best. I guess my aim to achieve at least all A's in trials this time wouldn't come true. I sense some B's. Oh boy, that's so frustrating like ahhhh. Accounts is on Monday. I am given four precious days to work hard. And I need to appreciate and score something better than the rest. GO PK, you can do it.
Eventhough Pn Sharmiza said the paper was tough and tricky, master your accounting skills, will me? :)

GOO GOO GOOO!

Neway, this is a result of how I released my tension after all these stressful exam weeks.


Wth, kill me :/

Not that stressful actually. [ I watch an-hour of TV show everyday! Pffts :P ] And since my hair behaved pretty well today, Imma let you see how my hair actually looks like after got cut my a new barber three weeks ago.
Have a look;

My curly curly hair :)

I'm not like any other typical chinese who own a silky-straight hair that will come back neatly into position after got blowed by wind. Hell no, mine's totally different. The kembang-ish-curly-wavy hair never fail to make me look extra messy and clumsy. Thanks a lot, my hair. But one advantage of having this kind of hair is, I don't need to go and perm my hair in my future. I got it free by nature. Oh, weeeeeeee ;D Fullstop.

End of craps. Bye!

Hai awak ;

Counting down, 

TRIALS IS ON THIS THURSDAY.

*boo cheers*

Feelings : Extremely nervous, probably can faint at anytime

Am I ready? : Sakai question, NO like duhhh.

What am I doing here? Blog, wth

Have you done studying? Absolutely, NOT YET. *smack head*

Then, what are you going to do? Study and revise and do all my best?

Which are the subjects that I am very afraid of? 

ADD MATHS

SEJARAH 

BIOLOGY

PHYSICS

CHEMISTRY

ACCOUNTS

What's my hope? To get at least all A- or A or A+

Can you do it? I HOPE SO

Now, let's flip boooooooooook!

Byebye. 

Wish me luck. I'll do my very best for BM and English this Thursday and Friday.

:)