The 8teen self ;

Looking back, I was already living as a eighteen-year-old-young-adult for almost a year. I am, always looking forward for the arrival of every 10 February as it is the date which I was destined to be here at 8.43am sharp, ready to meet the world.

As each year passed by, I've been living a (quite) luxurious life, by wearing the best dress ( I believe in Kajang), living the most comfortable house in the whole neighbourhood and even owned a gameboy at the age of seven. Yes, I was very lucky unlike any other kids out there who might be suffering from malnutrition or worse still, gasping for air to survive.

Indeed, time speed like no one's business.

As I grow, I am always with-that-kind-of-very-aunty-look whenever I'm in front of the mirror. Nerd? Geek? Half-bald-or-huge-forehead? Old-fashioned? Rounded-spec-girl? Whatever you name it.

I was actually quite proud of myself that I looked like any of the italic terms being mentioned above. Gees. (I AM WEIRD!)
Because I never believe that I am in the "pretty" category when I look at my reflection for a thousand, even a million times. So I kinda.. accepted the fact until now. (you know?)

Self-confidence was extremely low at that time, that was why. Believing in myself in anything that I do was rather a no-no for me.

Yep. I suck, I know. That WAS me anyway.

Let's skip this sensitive issue, shall we?'

Soon, I learned. From all the difficulties that I had, the inspirational posts that I found at tumblr, the life of the others, the stories of a stranger that were exposed to public, the opinions of different kind of person, quote-able sayings and so much more~
All these countless lessons were adopted slowly into me, myself, my soul.

"Being appreciative and thankful for things that you have" is never easy if this is put into practice. However, I'm trying my very best to stay grateful as I am now, by ranting less, and appreciate more.

I'm somehow grateful that I am born not too smart nor not too dumb, so as I can experience the feeling of being standing between the high and low level of intelligence in life. Knowing myself that my brain doesn't work like the speed of lightning, I actually work extra hard most of the time. At times, the exhaustion is undescribable, yet that never stop me from keep fighting, with a never-ending-spirit.

I'm grateful that I am not born to be naturally perfect figure nor deformed so I get to know, the feeling of being discriminated/abandoned by the society or being able to differentiate people who be friended you due to your appearance or the true people who will remain by your side when the rest are against you.

I'm grateful that the personal problems (family wise) that I had before this (12 years ago) actually made me a wiser person, in thinking as well as personalities. My heart and mind are being trained through thicks and thins after all these tough years. Yes, I made it through strongly. Pails of tears were shed, pains were remained as scars. That makes me who I am, today.

All these life's obstacles created a better understanding me, who continuously learning and never want to stop learning.

I wish I can read more, listen more and understand people more. I wanna be matured, I wanna be a good advicer, other than being a good listener.

(back to the main topic)  

Being eighteen, 

was never easy with a lot of decision-making going on and on in the head. This is the year that I realised the importance of travelling. Discovering each culture intensely deep was never a hobby for me. But, photography made me fell in love with that. Interesting huh?

Being eighteen  

was all about freedom and growing up. You make your own decisions, you never rely to others for opinions, you must act and THINK FAST in order to get what you want. Being the very shy girl I was, I never stay an inch near to boys due to the fact that I was from a girl school previously. So it was all normal to feel awkward and all, but I learnt to be sociable by telling self, "Cmon, PK. Be you! You can overcome this. WHY YOU AFRAID AND YOU CAN FREAKING OVERCOME THIS.". After gazillion times of repeating this as a self-reminder, within a few minutes, I made (quite many) new friends, as easy as ABC. :P

Being eighteen 

was all about being disciplined, independent and systematic. A good time management is a key to every successful man in life. (True?).The stress level must be balanced equally with enough self-entertainment. That's the way of living, isn't it? Being independent requires a strong mind. If you're ready to venture the world by your own, I can say that you're just at the starting point of being "independent". In studying/working life, staying away from parents always is a challenge to a easy-to-get-homesick person who currently is kilometres away from hometown but definitely not me. Perhaps I was used to the independent life at home? It's not that I don't love my loved ones at home, it's just that it's time to really grow up, to live without the protective ones and fly.

Being 8teen 

was definitely one of the best year I've ever had in my life. Eventhough the birthday celebration that I had was all by myself, with a TV, a laptop and just- myself. And despite that my studies suckass like really SUCKASS, -,-
Oh, don't even come out with the word "how pathetic" please. I know myself well and and and. . . . . bahhh (I'm so lazy to explain)

Being 8teen, 

actually taught me to treasure and utilise time to the maximum with our loved ones. 

Being eighteen was all about trying new things in life. 

As quoted by my Aussie cousin named Justine,

"Why should we wait to do/approach things that we love? Time wait for no one! Afterall, we are only young once!"

Her words always appeared in my mind no matter where I go. She actually inspired me to do things differently, never afraid to ask, never afraid to make mistakes, and NEVER AFRAID TO BE DIFFERENT!

That was why, I've changed much (appearance) from a totally 300% nerd, to a better-looking person who's STILL A NERD. :P I wanna try to improve myself in all senses - fashion, hairstyle, points of views, demands, personalities, too much to be listed here.
But the most important is, don't act, don't pretend and don't imitate. Just be yourself. Now, that's what that attracts people to get to know you, isn't it?
..

To sum my 8teen-year-old-life : 

It was AWESOME. :]

Now it has come to a point of life that,

I'm finally reaching the last teen-age of my life.

I remember the last time my sister got herself into when she was nineteen was a relationship with a 7-years-age-gap-guy. It was a little bit shocking to get a boyfriend at such a YOUNG AGE (at that time) but what is even suprising is, they have not get married yet after dating for almost 10 years now? :B

Worry not, I'll definitely not following her footsteps. I have a pretty good life here. Why should I worry? :)

A fact that amazed me this year is that this year, my Chinese birthday and Western birthday are being clashed together in one date, whether it is a total coincidence or not, I don't know.

Just just just just.. feel that it's such a big big day to have both birthday together in one day. :)

I wonder how does it tastes like. :/

Here's a letter to myself, (just for myself)

Dear self,

Be at your best to enjoy life as long as you are still breathing. Make it the best college life ever by making more new friends, know them and create beautiful memories with them! Be humble and never take things for granted. Take compliments as well as critics to improve yourself. Be you, the you who is just you, no one else. Know what you want to achieve in life by discovering the pathway youself. Give more, -your happiness, your mercy, your smiles to those who needed. Cheer yourself up when you're down. Do NOT depend, depend only by yourself when YOU are the one who can help yourself in any situation. Seek for help from the masters if you're in a deep trouble. Never feel/look down at yourself and to others. Understand a situation deep enough before you start to judge. Never let stressdom to conquer your world so easily. Sing! if you feel tensed up, Sing! if you feel happy, Sing! if you are upset. Seek for photography or books to waste your time, not the social networking- time consuming websites. Allow the optimism to rule you, to control you. Say no to pessimism by always reject negative thinkings. Never think too much and ALWAYS expect the unexpected. You are beautiful in your own way, so never, never gets jealous at the slightest things. Be appreciative, instead. Last but not least, stay inspired and inspire others.

Happy birthday, self.

Love,

Me.