Mr Chong said ;

 "I do not like Physic, but I LOVE Physic."

We ended the tutorial class last Friday with loads of words of wisdoms by him. He's still the first Mr. Chong that I know, never stop motivating us, encourage us though the number of people who are taking Physics are dropping badly.

He's sad, curious, and wonder if Physics is really a killer subject.

No it's not. It's not even a murderer, just that many of us I can't get the concept and is not able to solve it with my Mathematical abilities which is.. .. .. not so good.

Gahh. 

"The exam paper was so easy and are form-5-like-questions. Why can't you all answer them?? (scratch head)"

Ouch. Sir, my A- for SPM Physics was a fake one.

"Class, you all are ABCD students, but why you all do not act like one?" (laughs)

Triple ouch. For that statement, I felt extremely guilty. Gosh, why am I even sorted in those classes.

Why oh why.. that my seniors and friends who study the same course as me can excel even in their tests, not to mention the real exam but why not me.

Why can they enjoy their college life and score for their subjects but why not me.

Why oh whyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Seriously speaking, my results suck. I feel embarassed, not pride. Don't ask me why alright. I'm so tired of answering this question.

To fullfill your satisfaction, I might as well just answer : I'm dumb. That's why.

How can I improve you tell me. HOWWWWWW.

I'm standing at the point of a progressive wave, moving up and down like a roller coaster. If I can't even survive for AS, how am I going to get some spaces to breathe for A2? :(

"You MUST do your tutorial straight every time you learn something new. Our memory will deteriorate as day passes. In that way of studying, you and your results will stay consistent, trust me"

Am I too late for that? I should priortize things that I should do, things I should not. Also, I'm not disciplined enough to refrain myself from going online. No one is going to push you, PK. You're already grown uppp!

I should have understand myself well (that I'm a slow learner), I should have started the studies earlier than anyone. I study, but I don't know how to apply in life. Oh that sucks. I make a lot of careless mistakes. I in fact is great in making unforgivable mistakes. I am not hardworking enough. I guess my self-reminder and determination is not enough strong to motivate myself to strive for the best. I stalk too much. I sigh a lot. I am acting like a kid. My optimism seems to be deeeecreasing and is not helping me at all. I feel like giving up but you know me well. I started to lose faith in what I'm doing.. I have low-self-esteem. I have no true talent (don't mention photography, I'll smack you for sure cos' everyone in the world is far more talented than me in that case) I am no good in any particular field nor aspect. (language, calculation, communication, music, art, science, application, etc) I'm good at wasting time. Best of all, I daydream a lot.

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I suck when it comes to all these negative thinkings. I seriously seriously need to be a good time divider, well planner. I need to ban procrastination. I NEED TO BE WAKE UP FROM DREAM AND BE SERIOUS.

"You must change your mindset. I told you this at the beginning of the class, didn't I? "

Yes you do, sir. I always remind my brain about it but it slowly fades away.. 

Fortunately, I do not hate Physics as how I hate it before, not only after I learn chapter Wave from Mr Hoo. He makes the whole lesson really interesting with his motion and stuffs. He's a god damn good lecturer that cannot be found else where :) But I don't seem to understand fast on what he said, cos' you know, I am NOT a quick thinker, and learner. He can't bear with my slowness, so I in turn should pace up to share the same speed as him. It's not easy, dear readers. It is not.

"Mr. Hoo is a great lecturer. He is by far more experienced than me. I taught for 12 years but he on the other way round taught for 30 over years! If I were his student, I would really enjoy learning from him"

That's undeniably true. Mr Hoo is extremely kind, soft-hearted and lovely :) I feeeeeel extremely bad when I can't answer his question most of the time :( My notes before was almost like a pile of shit.

I merely can't understand what he was teaching at all (those times when I hate Physics). At that time, I was nearly gave up, planned to drop Physics but thanks to chapter Wave and Elasticity, I found hope that I am not actually that bad in Physics. I just need practice and understanding the concept. That's all. 

 By scui3asteveo

"You all don't just study for exam. It's the knowledge that's important. You must enjoy while studying and for that, you'll remember forever, even ten years after you married."

Totally agree. Lately, since August, the trend was studystudystudystudyjustforexam. This time, I studystudystudyjustforscholarship. Godz, what izz life?

I actually hate being like that. Being pressured like crap. Being forced to study.

Hell, I am not enjoying what I have studied at all. I study for my benefit, my knowledge, my future, not for exam. Everyone should has this kind of mindset in their brain. Really.

Now, I am free from all these tension. I must tell myself, "You must know all these. These are common sense. THESE ARE YOUR FUTURE!"

"If you want to score for Physics, you must first master your Maths. Physics are all about concepts. Once you understand the concept, the only thing that you'll need to deal is, Mathematics"

When he said that, I was desperate looking for a huge hole to bury my head in. I told 'ya (that my Maths ain't good), I am re-thinking, am should I really take Physics as one of my subject?

*wonders

Chinese usually are the one who can very good results for Maths, but not me. It's miserable, I know.

I didn't even complete the tutorials and extra exercise that Mr. Lee gave. Ha, serve me right for getting such shitty results.

In spite of all the mentions above, I still have this little faith on myself. I really do :)

Once the game is not over, I'll still have lots of life to keep the game going. I have told myself in the last few posts, that I WILL BE STANDING proudly with other students, holding the A grade tightly, for all subjects of course!

I want to become the person who enjoys college life rather than studying blindly, stressfully. It's just a matter of fact whether I CAN or CANNOT divide my time properly for all these stessed life and relaxed life. (I wonder how many times have I repeated this )

I hate being looked down. I DISLIKE people giving me that look which says that I can't do it.

Few days ago, my name was being called during the lecture hall by Mr. L, my maths lecturer due to my oh-so-beautiful-careless-mistakes :/ :/

Ridiculously, he called me "Tan PK" like wtf yo. My surname is LEE not TAN.

Whatever bullcrap it was, I did not take that seriously so forget about it :) But the way he humiliated people was rather hurtful.

Later on, he showed me that kind of hand sign which tells me that "you're dead, you're dead" (TOUCHWOOD!) when I got back my paper.

I know sir. I totally suck. You don't need to add salt into the bleeding wound alright?

He started to make his comparison, then he said , "If your friend (whoever's name)  can do it, why you cannot?"

Due to enough embarassment, I didn't know what to respond to him. I just showed my fake smile, indicating that I understood and you don't need to explain further.

He's very mean sometimes (even I knew he was just joking)

The worst was he predicted those who can, and those who can't sustain their scholarship. When he pointed at me, he immediately shook his head. (HOHMYGAWD)

That's a curse, I'm sure.

Sir, I want you to get your fact straight. Listen to me, (if you happened to read this someday), I, LPK, who has the similar surname as you, will prove you wrong that I CAN FREAKING SCORE for Maths. You shall just wait patiently and observe my marks flying up bit by bit. Don't you give up on me yet, because I'll still put all my hope on you although you made fun of me (at times).

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"So in order to score Physics, your Maths must be good".

You hear that, PK. 

YOU HEAR THAT.