Feeling Empty..

out of a sudden, out of no where. And I don't know why.
Whatsapp is being silent. Starting to ignore 'expect nothing in return' again. Disapproval, discouragement. 'Cuci tahi' imagination. Future hectic life. Opportunities. Go against the rules. Always ask. Be initiative and brave.
Maybe too much things being stucked in my head.

This morning, I met up with a super senior of mine, who was an ex-Convent, who had just graduated from IMU, studied the same course as I'm gonna study. Basically she passed me seven useful text/reference books to me, two sold-whereas five for free. All of 'em are pretty thick, which kind of made me swallow my saliva for a few times like.... holy, how am I gonna consume all these??


"These two (thickest) books are great for reference and assignments. You don't swallow them all."


Oh, phew!
Many many years ago, I believed that reading everything in the reference book could help me to pass the exam with flying colours, because not only I get to study things that normal textbook already had but I also get to study extra facts that can help me to answer better in exam okay what kind of mentality was that, sound so kiasu, LOL anyway that was last time...


"Don't pressure yourself. Personally, I'm not those kind of people who memorised everything, reading those facts like a mantra.. oh no"


True. Even if you have all the theories and knowledge in your finger tips yet you couldn't practise it in real life, it's still a waste of time memorising every single shit. I'll try my very best to not be a pressure cooker but to enjoy every single thing I am gonna learn. Time management plays an important role here.

"C.I (Clinical instructor) is very very important. You must get a good one in order to learn better. Ms. C and Ms. T are good. Whereas Ms M.J. is..... (yawns) hahaha 

People have typical mindset that having this job means 'cuci tahi' and everything like that. Well it's true when they say that but being a n isn't just about doing that. Nope, not at all. There are a lot of other stuff that you will find yourself enjoy doing. 

Be polite and humble. Whenever you meet the staff, GREET them, introduce yourself. You won't know that they might be helping you in the future but never expect anything. Some of 'em may be a lil' bit arrogant seeing you as a degree student, asking you to back off and learn yourself..... back to the point.. -be polite and humble. :) Always ask (staff n, doctors, dieticians, pharmacist, whoever), no matter what don't wait. If your C.I (Clinical Instructor) is not gonna be there anytime soon, how long are you going to wait? I always (sneaky laughs) offer to lend a hand and at the same time, (sneakily try) learning the procedures from other staff.n (grabbing the opportunity) in order to get to know more. That's how you actually learn. So volunteer to help, to assist, to get extra knowledge, to LEARN for yourself. Grab as much opportunity as you can, especially during the days of clinical posting.. because once those precious time are gone they will never come back. Try to learn as much as possible! :)


Another thing to note is that don't take things too personally. You'll get lots of rants, scoldings, and negative feedbacks. Take the rants positively, LISTEN - never reply back, as in let the rants flow from your left ear to your right. After that, release yourself from whatever they say and don't let that affect you emotionally. How did you actually cope with that?, I asked. Well, I did not mix them together. Work and my life are two different things so I usually enjoy myself after each clinical posting/work!

The more mistakes you make, the more things you learn. Always remember that. So never ever afraid of making mistakes. Just go ahead and make as much mistakes as possible! *laughs jokingly*

Communicate. Initiative. Brave. These three things if you can grasp in hand, you'll be good. Communication is very important especially with the patients. Did you know that it's an enjoyment to be able to listen to the patients' stories and get to know more about something that you can't read elsewhere? Even if they rant to you, be a good listener. I think it shouldn't be a problem for you as you come from a Convent background *grins - if you have a good language that is. Haha that's one of the benefits- to create a good interaction with the patients will make you feel so much better while you're at work. While being initiative will help you a lot. Do bear in mind that no one will be there to OFFER you any free knowledge or help unless you ask (politely) for it. Anddddddddddd you must be brave. Be brave to volunteer, be brave to face any situations."


We actually sat at Starbucks and talked for 5 god damn HOURS (non-stop). She did the most talking (good to the hell god) I actually didn't realise it was already 3.47pm by the time we stopped our conversation. Oh shit, she muttered. Hahaha we kind of skipped our lunch without realisation :B Meh, guess we blended quite well as we came from the same high school, so we can chatter about a lot of common topics :D

Seriously, with all my honesty, THANK YOU, Christine. Thank you very very much for sharing your stories and experiences to me. From each and every word you have spoken, I understand you better and know what to expect in my future journey and get to know what kind of person you are. Outgoing person who doesn't believe in study blindly hard but smart and someone whom I should a lot from. :) I appreciate all your offer and help since the beginning I started to approach you. It is a form of empowerment, as you said.
We should encourage people to do better, not demotivate them - which something that I am very agree with. I'll take advices that you have given all in my mind and heart. Thank you, for the books and the guidance. I'll make my parents, my peers, my teachers, and you, my super senior - proud. :)

You said the journey has changed your life and I hope it will change mine too - soon enough!


These written messages are meant to be your reminder, self. Read back whenever you feel something below than zero.